Heart

Chance

I opened my eyes to nothing but oblivious darkness. I barely feel my body as if my existence has turned into nothing. I doubled back wrapping my arms around my knees as if I still have a body. I can still see Taeyang as he stood over my body... as he took one last shot to my head to kill me. I wish I could have told him my name. I wish I could have told him how much I like him.

I was in the midst of thinking all the things I could have said to him before my life ended by his hands when I was pulled downward...

My upper body jolted up as my eyes flew opened with my lungs desperate for air like I just drowned.

I found myself breathing heavily when I noticed the commotion inside... Where am I? I jilted when a lady wearing a soft smile took my hand and attempted to give me a peck. I defensively move back and jerked my hand away from her.

"Who are you?" I asked barely making the word out suddenly feeling the dryness inside my mouth.

The lady suddenly looked alarmed. She opened her mouth as if attempting to say something when a man wearing a doctor's gown came in I think I am in a hospital.

The doctor checked my pulse and asked me to breathe in and out. "You're going to be just fine," the doctor said.

The lady who was worriedly standing by his side anxiously told him that I don't know her should I have?

The doctor turned his attention back to me, He pulled a small flashlight from his pocket and flashed them on my eyes, left and right.

Then, he held his three fingers in my face "How many fingers am I holding?" he asked.

"Three," I answered.

"What is your favourite colour?" The doctor asked again.

"Red," I answered.

"What's your favourite toy?"

"Gun, I guess,"

"Do you have a pet?"

"No,"

"Who is the first man on the moon?"

"Neil Armstrong,"

"Who invented the telephone?"

"Alexander Graham Bell,"

"6 + 6?"

"12"

"What is your name?"

I opened my mouth in an attempt to answer but closed them again. What's my name? I should know this. It's in the back of my head but why can't I remember. Who am I? And who are they? Why am I in a hospital? Who is that lady looking at me with those eyes full of concern?

"Don't worry. You have been in a coma for the past two and a half month. It will come to you," the doctor said patting me in the head.

I looked outside the window. I think there is something important I am forgetting? My chest hurts somehow.

I dropped my eyes down and I noticed my hands are they mine? I wondered.There was a cut scar on my wrist. I was baffled by this reality and didn't notice the lady I should know but don't staring at me. She brushed my head, "It's going to be okay," she said with a croaked in her voice holding the hand with a cut scar.

"Who are you?" I asked her again. She seemed hurt by my question but she smiled gave me a gentle smile.

"You are my daughter," she said.

***************************

After a week, I was released from the hospital.

The doctor advised that I am suffering from selective amnesia that may have been cause by a trauma before the accident. The doctor said that the memories will eventually return but there is no need to force myself to remember.

I cannot believe that I am who they say I am. "Who are you?"  I kept asking while looking at my own reflection, the face it is showing me looked like a stranger. The body I am moving feels uncomfortable like it was not mine.

I kept those thoughts inside my head. I don't see any point of saying it out loud.

I followed mother as she led me to my supposed room, it felt empty and cold. I suddenly felt at peace. Maybe my body remembers the room, I said to myself as I walked inside looking around. I don't recognize anything.

I lie on the floor with my arms straight on my side. The cold floor felt right. I shut my eyes closed wondering how long will it take to get my memories back. There is something I am forgetting... something important to me.

I immediately jilted up from the cold floor when I hear the sound of glass breaking as it fell onto the floor. I was ready to attack the person in my doorway when I realized it was mother.

She stood frozen in my doorway with her eyes dilating in shocked. I looked at her wondering what she is seeing. Mother's eyes suddenly welled up. I wonder what I did to make her cry. She was sobbing as she sat down to pick up the shard of broken glass from the floor, I just watched her. She looked so fragile with her shoulder lumped over her body. It looked as if she is going to break.

Even though I cannot remember who she is, I don't want to see her cry. I wanted to ask whether I did something but I don't know how. It is quite strange somehow.

I watched her leave the room after telling me she is coming back to get me another drink since she dropped the first one. She said this with a smile spread across her tired face as if she could somehow hide those tears.

I sighed heavily after she left. I at least want to remember Mother. I stood up from the floor where I was frozen a moment ago and walked across the bed where a study table is placed. I unconsciously opened each of the drawers hoping to get a clue. Who am I?

On the bottom drawer, I found number of pictures torn to pieces, the others that was intact where all blurred by scribbles written all over it. I found some high school books and when I opened one of them, words such as DIE, BITCH, WHORE where all over it. I find no meaning into them.

I sat myself on the swivel chair in front of the study table. I turned the chair around and around while wondering why I was in the hospital. I looked up and stared into the ceiling, nothing is coming to me.

I was in the middle of my thoughts when the wind gushed through the opened window and something paper like from above the bookshelf fell slowly right to my face.

It was a student ID for YG academy. It has the same face as the one I keep seeing in the mirror, it was my face. So, I am a high school student at YG academy I concluded. I wonder where that academy is.

My mother came while I was looking at the student ID. I felt her hastily walking to where I was seated. She immediately put the milk she brought over the table in front of me and gave me a hug. "You don't have to go there anymore," she said softly.

"No, it's okay. I want to go," I told her.  Maybe I can get my memories back if I go there, I thought. I didn't notice Mother gaped as the words coursed it way out of my mouth, her eyes turned sullen. She kissed the top of my head before walking out as if troubled.

***********************

It was already past midnight when I heard a faint sound I wonder where it was coming from.

I slid out under the bed and stood up. I walk out of the room taking steps to follow where the sound is coming from. It led me outside mother's room which was slightly opened.

I saw my mother sobbing as she sat on floor leaning against the side of the bed. The faint sound was coming from her. "She said she wanted to go back," she whispered in between sobs. I wonder who she is talking to. "I don't want her to remember," she said as she cries. "When I came to her room, I thought she... she... again," she explained and then broke into tears. "...That school..." I heard her say before I turned around to head back for my room.

I wonder how I have lived my life so far. Mother broke to tears with just the thought of me going back to school.