Gravity Sauls: A Better Call Saul x Gravity Falls fanfic

Chapter 2: A Cold Welcome

The crimson station wagon screeched to a halt as Stan sloppily parked it in the absence of a driveway or parking lot. This is when Ford usually made a comment about how lacking the infrastructure of the shack was. This time, however, he solemnly did more than clench his fist around the edges of his falling-apart seat when the sharp braking commenced. The pair looked out the windshield at an amateurish assembly of loose-leaf paper, each with a different sequin-decorated letter. It looked like Soos' handiwork, but clearly made use of supplies Mabel forgot to take back home with her. Stan sighed wearily as his gaze made its way across the heartfelt banner: "WELCOME HOME STANS" it read.

Ford placed his hand on the door handle, but didn't open it quite yet. "How do we break the news to Soos?"

Stan shrugged. "Simple. We tell it as it is."

Ford shrugged in turn. "Alright. You do it, though. He's closer with you."

"Fine."

The pair trekked the steps of the Mystery Shack's patio, Stan slightly ahead, both noticing that the air got increasingly chilled the closer they got to the door. "It's freakin' September. Why's Soos got the AC full blast?" He knocked three times on the wooden entrance (cold to the touch) as Ford breathed on his hands before rubbing them together.

The door opened wide, forcing Stan to step backwards in dodging it - but he was not able to dodge the suffocating bear hug inflicted upon him and Ford by a large, jubilant man in a faux fur coat. 

"STANS! Man, I missed you guys!"

While both were initially struck with surprise (and a bit of fear), they returned the tight hug and smiled over the former handyman's respective shoulders. "We missed you too, Soos," they both said simultaneously (Stan immediately followed up with an excited "JINX!").

When the hug was over, they went inside - and the place Stan called home, his workplace, his house, looked like it had been sitting in a Dusk 2 Dawn freezer during his and Ford's absence. Everything that wasn't within 5 feet of a cheap space heater was covered in a thin layer of ice crystals, icicles hung from the ceiling, and the temperature had to be at least ten below zero. Soos noticed how much the brothers were shivering and promised to be back in a second before disappearing behind a rack of shirts and reappearing with two brown, faux fur coats, identical to the one he was wearing. "Best you guys put these on, or else you'll turn into expensive ice sculptures."

Ford chuckled. "What happened to the shack?" the inventor asked. Both brothers donned the itchy, cheaply made, but warm winter coats. 

Soos walked over to a heater that was out of juice, toolbox in hand, and bent down to start replacing the batteries. "Oh, yeah. So, me and Melody were working the shop the day after you two dudes left. I went downstairs to make sure all of Ford's multiversal mechanisms were all good, then...BAM!" He didn't hesitate for dramatic effect, but because he had accidentally put the batteries in the space heater incorrectly. "I trip over some snow globe dohickey, and next thing you know it's like Alskaberia in here."

Stan raised an eyebrow - "Alaskaberia?" - while Ford mumbled something about taking better care of his equipment.

"But apparently there was some kinda mixup in the shipping department, so we got like, fourteen huge boxes of big winter coats for free, so I started selling those for a few bucks. And Melody makes really good hot chocolate when she's here on the weekends, so people have started treating the Mystery Shack like some kind of winter wonderland type-deal. It's pretty cool."

On any day before this, Stanley Pines' pupils would've transformed into dollar signs on the spot, but instead, they lowered to stare at his black leather, sea-worn boots. "That's great, Soos. But there's something we gotta tell you."

"Oh, yeah, you two dudes still haven't told me about that Pacific Ocean journey you had. How'd it go?"

Ford spoke up now. "It was the Arctic Ocean...and, it went well. But this has nothing to do with that. For better or worse."

To Ford's surprise, Stan wasn't dismayed with the brother's sudden comment, who continued the train of consciousness as he turned his stare from the boots to Soos' eyes. "There's no easy way to say this, Soos. They're kicking us out of town."

Soos started to look upset, but not sad, strangely. "Who is it this time? Gnomes? Dating sim characters? Lil' Gideon?"

Stan turned his eyes back away from Soos, to a rack of blue pine tree hats (now with snow on the decal's branches). "I wish. It's the mayor this time. Some kind of new law they just came up with. I owe a bunch of dudes a crapton of cash, and Ford and I can't be citizens of Gravity Falls after the 15th of next month. We gotta forfeit the Mystery Shack, too."

"We'll be okay though. Right? I mean, this kinda stuff has happened before, where the government accuses you of something but it turns out you're actually sort of innocent but not really and then we use some kind of dohickey to save you from them?"

"Not an option this time, Soos."

If Soos was troubled by that remark, then he did not show it. "Well, can't we just get a lawyer? My abuela knows a few dudes from her divorce."

Stan piped up as well. "I could always call up Antonio. It's been twelve years, but there's probably no hard feelings, right?"

Ford grunted at the both of them. "We can't shave off 15 grand in debt by getting a good lawyer. We would need a really good lawyer for that."

Stan crossed his arms and lifted his chin (as much as he could within the constraints of his winter coat). "Are you tryin' to say that Barkov Antonio IV wasn't good enough to get me out of jail from selling rash-y suntan oil? Shame on you, Ford." Stan closed his eyes and nodded at the ground.

Soos sighed. "Man, it's a shame you guys dismantled that portal thingy. We could've, like, searched the entire freakin' multiverse and find the best lawyer ever."

A second passed. The twins met each other's eyes, and they both nodded with gigantic smiles on their faces.

"SOOS, YOU'RE A GENIUS!"