Cocomilkeuu

rains and voices.

[inspirations taken : 'Darari' and 'Sad forever' and 'Fight back']

"You're never gonna make it, you're not good enough,
there's a million other people with the same stuff."

I was not much contented with my effort of that day, my mind feeling a silent voice that complained about the 'lacuna' in myself.
I am never able to ignore that silent voice.

"Daydream, life feels like a daydream;
And I just wish that I could wake up, I just wish that I could wake up..
My mind, whispers in the night time,
Voices always keeping me up, telling me that I should give up."

"Bye then !" My closest older sister said to me. The voices took a break for a nanosecond, in which I waved her a goodbye. It was raining, quite hard.

The rain intensified after a few seconds, and I just stared at the effervescent raindrops, that fell in the ground. It wasn't raining too softly to be a sprinkle, but it wasn't too hard either.

"You won't go back?" My sister said to me. I hummed, flinching a bit by the sudden break from uitwaaining.

I smiled at her and made my way towards home. Suddenly, I felt my mind trying to fight back the voices. A tear almost escaped my eye, but before even it could, I rubbed my eyes, trying to make myself appear to be 'a strong person', though in front of myself only.

I again looked at the raindrops, that fell from my umbrella. A sudden breeze touched my face.

I didn't ever feel such before. I felt like a stranger to the atmosphere surrounding me.

My mind lost it, not at the voices, but at me.

"Why are you such? Don't you know the meaning of happiness?"
I flinched at the thought of it. My mind is correct though- I really can't describe the meaning of happiness. Yes, it is a state of delight. But what's delight itself? A state of being happy? Then again though, what's happiness? And this vice-versa state goes on and on in a frenzy.

An earthy smell filled my lungs. With a soft sigh, I looked up at the sky, then slowly, discarding my umbrella, and putting my bag under a shed of a closed shop.

I never knew how I just wanted to get lost somewhere, like never coming back.

The rain drenched me within instants, but I did not care. That was the least I cared about anything in my life. I felt the rain slowly transform into an unknown melody, and those voices, they almost disappear. I know they did for a few minutes, but it was enough.

I felt the rain pour on my eyes, and I felt like a thousand of classical, calm and the most beautiful melodies crash into my heart. The feeling was like a calm lake, which you would want to sit by forever.

I almost got lost in the stupor, when suddenly I heard,
"Kid, what are you doing?" An old man said to me. I looked at him and almost flinched.
"Oh, sorry." I said, and quickly grabbed my bag and umbrella.
"Don't get wet in the rain. It will cause fever."

I nodded and then went back home.

I lied to my parents that I slipped with my umbrella falling over and thus I got wet in the rain. They believed it, to my relief.

That night, I drenched my diary's paper with soft cursive strikes of my gel-pen, drawing the incidents through words. Perhaps that was the best rainy night I've ever experienced.

[590 words]