We're Trying

More String

Jamari
I want to punch Caleb. I want to knock him out is his dusty ass foot locker uniform. I want to knock his stupid game console out of his hand as he sits on the couch but I just shake my head and have the last ice cream bar in the fridge. Why am I fucking mad? I don't give a fuck about Hanna? I spent a year in juvy because of her, who she's fucking has nothing to do with me. But I don't think it has anything to do with Hanna's ass and every thing to do with the fact my brother is a shit human being. It wouldn't be a problem if he was 14 and just going through that angsty I rule the world teen phase, we all go through that.  He's a whole adult though, who is fucking his brothers first girlfriend. It would be so easy if he was just a cousin but no we share the same DNA, he's my brother, and if I don't get my shit right the person I could become.

"Can you stop fucking smacking that, I get it you got the last one," he says still looking at the tv. He's hunched over and if ma saw him right now she would slap him on the back.

"Can you stop fucking Hanna," I say.

His fingers still move on the console but he turns around to look at me. He smirks. Typical Caleb. "Oh you mean Rue."

I throw my ice cream wrapper in the trash, something Caleb never does, and look at my phone. Right on time my reminder sits on my Home Screen which is a picture of Camille and mom a few years ago.  Text or call Shorty if you're mad.

I go outside and sit on the apartment steps. She answers on the second ring. Her voice is strong. "I was going to say what was on my mind but you like when I say hi or hello first."

"And yet you still didn't say hi or hello."

"I did say hi or hello."

I nod but remember she can't even see me. She reads my mind. "If you nodded I can't see you."

"I'm tryin to see you."

"Then why didn't you just FaceTime me."

"You said you don't like FaceTimes because it's like Instagram lives. And I'm trying to see you in person. Can I come over?" There's a moment where I can only hear the guy fixing his car across the street. "If you're just standing there smirking I can't see you."

"Yes," she says and before I can ask if she's saying yes to her smirking or yes to me coming over she hangs up. Two seconds later she sends me a text with an address.

When I pull up to the blue house Jess in the empty streets skating. She does like five tricks that could land her in the hospital and doesn't send a glance my way. When I go to the door Ella opens it before I can text her I'm here or ring the doorbell. I love her face but my eyes fall down to the leggings and fitted top she's wearing. Gah damn. At her feet is a bulldog who looks so bored by life.

"Are you going to say hi or hello?" She places her hand on my chin and lightly moves my head so we're making eye contact.

"Hello," I say. "Are you going to invite me in?" Behind us the sound of Jess's skateboard slams on the concrete. I turn around but she's just skating as normal.

She smiles and gestures for me to walk inside. But I stay put. "You first, it's your house." Her smile turns into a smirk and she begins walking backwards. I follow her into the living room where it smells like old books. "You know I can still see it from the front." With that being said she stops. Her arms
Are crossed and I see the necklace glow around her neck.

"You know I can objectify you too, if I want to." The dog jumps on my jeans and when he sees I'm really only interested in Ella right now he runs to his dog bed by the couch.

I take a step closer to her. Cinnamon and vanilla. "Really and how would you do that?"

"I'm not gonna."

I look down at her. This time not even looking at her figure and just her huge brown eyes. "Say it."

"You have nice arms they're muscley, I like them." She begins to go up the stairs and I follow her. Seeing it from the front was nothing compared to looking at it now.

Ella
I asked Jamari what he wanted to do and he said he just wanted to talk so we're seated on the rug. Jess took Big boi for a walk, not really because he needed one but because she wanted an excuse to go to 7/11. My legs are crossed but his are spread out. Since I said that thing about his arms I haven't been able to stop looking at them. "Do you think about the all the other people from camp and where they might be?" I ask.

He pushes back some of his curls. "Nah, the past is the past."

"But aren't you just curious? Not even just about the kids from camp but about everyone from elementary school and all the people you've met in your life."

He keeps eye contact something I've never been good at doing and his focus makes me play with my string a little faster. "Honestly no, there not in my life now, so I'm not putting energy into thinking about them." I see him look down at the black string between my fingers. "I'm guessing you do?"

"I do." Frequently, before I even started school and saw Jamari I've just been thinking about all the people from camp and old schools that I have met but will probably never see again. I think about how some days I just want to go back and spend one more day as a child at camp. Not the last summer when I was bullied but the first when the age was 6-16 and the older girls let us younger girls play some cupcake game on their phones.

Jamari moves closer to me and so does the coconut scent coming from his hair. "Who do you think about ?" He asks and his voice is soft. He cares.

"Brooklyn, there was this girl Brooklyn and we went to camp together for one summer. We were best friends. She had an older brother and he had a girlfriend and they would be on and off all summer. But his girlfriend was like a sister to me. I know I have Jess but I always thought about what my life would be like if I had an older sibling. But Brooklyn was the best and really she was my last bestfriend."

Somehow Jamari's voice gets softer and he sits next to me. "you'll have another best friend."

I turn and look at him. "But what if I don't?"

"But what if you do?"

We're so close we could kiss now. We're so close when Jamari speaks I can feel the mint taste of his breath on my face. "Look, you had some good memories with Brooklyn and you cherish those but don't let that stop you from making more memories. Plus what if you find Brooklyn and she's a terrible person and then that's going to taint all the time you spent with her."

The smile I had when I first opened the door to see Jamari standing there comes back. "But what if she's an amazing person and I'm missing out."

"You're not missing out on anything." He kisses me and I kiss him back. He taste like altoids. We continue kissing and I find myself on his lap. His hand finds my ass and that's when he gets his tongue out of my throat. "Wait," he says, a bit out of breath.

"Okay," I say. He keeps one hand on the small of my back and then reaches in his Jean pocket. He pulls out a long black string.

He opens my palm and places it inside. "Here Umm you like string so I got you another one." More heat rises to my cheeks and I drop the other string that I wasn't even paying attention to in the last minutes.

I look down at the string. It's long and smooth and not too thick. When it comes to string I'm very particular and somehow he got it just right. "Thank you," I say.

"No problem."

We kiss some more until Jess texts me that Dad and mom are on their way back from the mall. I see a wave of dissappointment come across his face and I wish he could stay forever. I walk him to the door. When we're by the door I see Jamari look over the pictures of me and Jess as a baby. "Trust me you don't want an older sibling, Jess is great."

I nod. "Your brother is kind of shitty."

He laughs but I can still see bits of sadness across his face. I wish I could get rid of them but he kisses me on the forehead and I watch him go in his car and drive away. Maybe I don't need Brooklyn.