I tried to sleep, pero hindi ko talaga nagawa. Kaya, sandali ko na lang tiningnan si Red na nasa kabilang kama, natutulog. I was happy to know this guy. I didn't imagined that in spite of how we met the first time, nagawa pa rin niya akong tulungan ngayon.
I sighed.
Naalala ko na naman ang mga nangyari. Hindi ko inakalang sa lahat ng mga pagsisikap ko, sa lahat ng efforts ko ay wala pa ring napansin si dad sa mga 'yon. At, sa lahat ng makikilala ko sa rp, si Hillary pa talaga. Sa pagpapanggap niya ako nahulog. Ginamit niya pa ang larawan ni Red para lang malinlang ako.
Ako naman, nagpakatanga at nagpahulog din sa patibong niya.
I closed my eyes, and tears visited me again. Nanikip na naman ang dibdib ko, at mas hindi ako makakatulog nito ngayon. I just think of some things, habang hindi ko na magawang magpahinga.
I just hated them all, sa madaling salita. Hindi ko alam kung makakaya ko pa ba silang harapin after this, pero sana hindi ko na lang sila makita.
Nag-umaga na lang pero wala talaga akong tulog na nagawa. Yet, I'm thankful dahil hindi pa naman ako nahihilo o ano. I had breakfast with Red, and I'm thankful for him, letting me borrow his hoodie for the mean time. Sumama rin ako sa kanya sa convenience store.
Tumulong ako sa kanya, on his duty. Bayad ko na rin sa tulong niya sa 'kin.
It was almost good, not until I saw her, again. Si Hillary. She's here at the store. Hindi ako nakapagtago dahil nasilayan na namin ang isa't isa pagkapasok at pagpasok pa lang niya sa loob.
"Hi! Kumusta ang naglayas na suwail kagabi?" Salubong niya sa 'kin. Kung wala lang customers dito, kanina ko pa 'to inuntog sa sahig.
"Get out of here--"
"Ang bastos mo naman, Nancy. Kausapin mo naman ako," she's like teasing me. Hindi ko na gusto 'to. Naiinis na ako, at kapag hindi ko na talaga mapipigilan, bungi na 'to pag-uwi niya.
"Anong kailangan mo?"
"I just wanna say that..." lumapit siya sa 'kin at may binulong. I wanna step away, but what she said shocked me.
Damn.
"Alam mo, I knew that you entered roleplaying. I stole your phone one time and you're just dumb kasi madali lang ang password mo. I knew your rp name and I made mine, too. Yung Timothy Greese? Sa 'kin 'yon. Ako ang gumawa no'n," sabi niya.
Bwisit.
"I used my ex's photo. Well, wala naman akong galit kay Red pero naisip ko lang na gamitin siya. Kasalanan niya, he looked too much good kasi. And there! I made you fall in love. And napakadali mo namang ma-fall, parasweet," saka siya tumawa, "parasweet, napakabobo mo talaga, Nancy. Bobo," dagdag niya.
Wala akong masabi.
"Timothy Greese's not him. It's me," what she said hurts me a lot. Damn, I just fell in love with someone that's not real.
"Umuwi ka na," napalingon na lang ako, at nakita ko na lang si dad. He's standing there and is like mandating me to obey him, again.
"I talked to her, na, tito. Sana, nakatulong ako," what the freaking fuck? "Mauuna na 'ko sa kotse, tito. I'm hoping that magkaayos kayo,"
"Salamat, hija," he even... hugged her. She left and he's seriously staring at me now. "Umuwi ka na, Nancy. Do better in studies and please... wag mo 'kong bigyan ng problema ngayon,"
I sarcastically smiled, "Hindi n'yo talaga ako naiintindihan, dad? Nag-explain na 'ko, a. And damn, how you knew that I'm here, huh--"
"Just go home and say sorry to your cousin--"
"No."
"You're being stubborn again. Let's go home--"
"Hindi na ako... uuwi do'n," I just said but I think I need to. "I'm not going to your house anymore,"
"Ikaw pa ang may ganang magsabi n'yan?--"
"Dad, kailan n'yo ba ako maiintindihan?" I teared up and I don't care. "Sige, aaminin kong may nagawa akong mga pagkakamali. I fell in love with someone who's just not real. I failed in school, I go party, I waste my life... pero alam mo kung bakit? Kasi do'n ako nakakita ng lugar ko,"
"Stop with the nonsense-"
"I know I'll never be enough for you. But you know what, dad? Magiging enough naman ako, e... if you just gave me the love and attention, the support, and the care that I deserve. Kaso wala. Lagi na lang si Hillary. Si Hillary lagi ang mabait, ang matalino, ang magaling. Wala akong natanggap na hustisya, dad," napailing ako, "abogado ka pa man din, dad... pero sarili mong anak hindi mo mabigyan ng pagpapahalaga at hustisya,"
"Nancy," he called my name. I don't know, parang nagbago suddenly ang pagtingin niya. Maybe he felt little pitty? I don't know.
"Thank you sa lahat. You still gave me things, even if you didn't supported and loved me that much," I breathed heavily, and wiped my tears, "maybe... we should cut ties muna dad?"
"What?"
"I'm... dropping business. I'll pursue performing arts. I'm... fine even if you won't support my studies and my needs anymore. Give... my things to Hillary, or in charities. Kahit sa ampunan. Umm, also... I'm... saying sorry, sa pagsagot sa inyo ni mom. For what things I did to my cousin, even if I don't know what are they. I'm sorry, and thank you sa lahat,"
He didn't speak.
"And, walang nangyaring pang-aagaw, dad. Red Acosta is... Hillary's ex. Wala akong inagaw," I added.
I think it's enough.
Hindi ko alam ang magiging reaction niya but I'm sure he'll cut the ties easily, at gagawin ang lahat ng sinabi ko. And there, nahulaan ko talaga na gagawin niya 'yon kasi umalis na lang siya at iniwan akong nakatayo rito.
"You okay?" Napalingon na lang ako. Wala na akong nakikitang customers. It's just me and Red.
"Pumunta sila rito. Nasabi ko na sa dad ko ang lahat ng gusto kong sabihin, Red," sabi ko. I sadly smiled.
"Sinabi mo sa dad mo yung about sa rp?" Umiling ako, "why? Hindi maganda ang ginawa ng ex ko--"
"Kahit anong paliwanag ko, hindi nila ako pakikinggan. Kaya, I'll keep this myself muna. Kaya ko naman, as long as I said what I wanna say, Red. Okay na 'yon,"
"You don't look fine," he said, but I shook my head.
"I am okay," paninigurado ko. "And I'm fine," I... guess.
