CHRYSALIS - FRED WEASLEY

CHAPTER 24

Hi guys! It's been a while, so here's a little life update. I finished undergrad, graduated with a double major in philosophy and literature. Yay! I am starting grad school this fall, and I will be attending THE UNIVERSITY OF OXFORD! I swear I didn't pick it for my HP obsession, but I will totally be living out my Hogwarts fantasies. I'm studying philosophy again, and I hope to go get my doctorate eventually. Anyways, I'm sorry it's been so long--obviously, I'm pretty busy. These next few chapters are going to mark the end of PART 2 of Chrysalis, and PART 3 will involve a new setting, new characters, and new problems for our lovely protagonists. Please enjoy, vote, and comment! xoxo

They lay there, wrapped in each other, until Lillie remembers she's supposed to pee after this sort of thing and hurries to the bathroom. Fred sits up and watches her leave with a stupid grin on his face, the sheets pooling around his narrow hips, his sex-hair reaching unseen levels of messiness.

She returns in a sheer, midnight-blue silk robe with two glasses of water. She laughs as Fred chugs his glass.

"Wore me out, love," he breathes, wiping where the water spilled on his chin. "Can I say something?" Fred asks a while later, as they lay together.

"Always," she says.

"I'm not sure if this is a weird time to mention this, I don't want to kill the mood, but it's on my mind after tonight."

"Stop being weird, you can say whatever you want," she says lightly.

"I just want you to know that you don't have to–well, I mean, you can talk about Charlie. Whenever you want. And you don't have to worry about how I feel about it."

She sits up, her robe falling off her exposed shoulder. He tucks a lock of hair behind her ear, waiting for her reply.

"Isn't it hard, though? Hearing about my abusive, tragically dead ex boyfriend all the time?"

"I suppose. But, I feel like it's probably a lot harder for you, having had the abusive and tragically dead ex boyfriend."

She sighs and scans his earnest face, searching for an answer. "I think it can be both. It's hard for me, but it's hard for you, too. Like, what happened with Alicia earlier," he cringes, "Being back at Hogwarts sucks sometimes. Because I know that when most people look at me, they're thinking about me and Charlie. His life and his death have been tacked on to me. And I don't blame them, it makes sense. Besides Katie, I'm sort of the last tangible, real-life piece of him. Even if I don't want to be that piece. He was so isolated in his last few years, and I'm really the only one who was always there. Even when he died."

"I never thought about that," he says, "About you sort of... tying him here."

"And, you know, since we are together, people can't help but look at you and me and think about me, and then they think about me and him, and how sad I must be and how great it is that I'm moving on. It's not fair that we can't be our own people here, have our own relationship."

"We won't be here forever," he shrugs.

"Still. That's what I was apologizing for earlier. I just feel like you shouldn't have to still hear about this."

"I know you loved him, and that he did a lot of good for the order, but," he exhales, steeling himself, "it makes me so angry that you were together at all. It doesn't make me angry when you talk about him, I could never be angry with you. But I hate it when people look at you and see him."

"What do you mean?"

"If I had just gotten my shit together, been a man and fessed up, none of that would have happened."

"Fred, you know I don't blame you–"

"I know. I know, and I love you. But I blame myself," he pauses, "Do you ever feel like time isn't real here? Like, inside Hogwarts, none of our actions have consequences and nothing matters except you and I."

"Completely," Lillie nods, "Voldemort feels so foreign, so outside of our lives."

"Since we got together, I've been waiting for that bubble to pop. Any moment, it feels like the real world is going to rush in and that's when time becomes real. And finite. And I'm so angry that I allowed myself to waste our safe time on an ego trip."

"I don't know if this is going to make sense, but I'm going to try and... try and explain what I'm thinking," she says. "Charlie and I were pieces of each other, and... whether I like it or not, a piece of me died with him. But you and I, it doesn't feel like that. If Charlie and I were pieces of each other, then you and I are the same. I'm not a fragment of you, you're not a fragment of me. We are whole. We are... we are making time. We are time. Any measure of time with you is enough." 

Fred blinks before averting his eyes, staring at the bedspread. "Christ, Lillie. You know how to make a man feel good." He presses the heels of his hands to his eyes, attempting to stop the tears that threaten to spill over his long lashes.

Lillie grabs his wrists and gently pulls his hands away from his eyes, putting her hand on his cheek and pulling his gaze to her. "I can't tell you how to feel. This whole thing is so messy and complicated, anything you feel about me and Charlie and us is fine, and I'm just glad you haven't run away screaming. But focusing on the time we don't have will ruin the time that we do." He nods, and she wipes the tear from his cheek with her thumb. She climbs into his lap and pulls him close. He buries his head into her neck, inhaling the smell of orange blossom that barely lingers on her skin.

"I love you so much," she tells him softly. He nods, not trusting the strength of his voice. They stay like that for a while, breathing in tandem and murmuring softly of forever, however brief that forever may be. 

Short one today, but I promise to update again very soon!