𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐑 ➪ 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫 𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐤²

|| 𝐀 𝐃𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐓𝐫𝐮𝐞 ||

And so he told her all about the proximity anklet, including Luna's concerns around where the technology came from in the first place. It was hard to watch Samsa's once calm and collected face fill with utter dread. 

"When you agreed to the term, did you know it was made from Jared's research?" The blonde asked, her voice surprisingly steady.

Jim shook his head. "They didn't specify anything like that, but I should have known. I should have realised-"

"Maybe you should've but that doesn't matter now," Samsa said with a sigh. "You did everything you could to make sure Luna would do her behavioural modification on the Enterprise, and I'm always going to be so grateful for that. She is too. It's just...after everything that happened with Jared, everything she went through, it's not acceptable for Starfleet to use those things against her. I don't care if it's for security purposes either."

"I agree, Sam. I'm sorry I didn't mention this to you sooner." He made a promise to himself there and then that he would contact Starfleet HQ about this as soon as possible. Not only had he hurt Samsa, but he'd broken Luna's trust and there was no doubt in his mind that it would be difficult to earn back. 

His mind began to twist and turn, conjuring all sorts of possible consequences of his actions. The question of whether he deserved to be captain resurfaced as well. Before he knew it, Jim felt his chest tighten. His hands started to tremor. Heat crept up his spine, causing his vision to blur ever so slightly. 

Not again. Please, not again. 

The soothing sensation of fingertips gliding over his back gave him the comfort he so desperately needed. Jim clung to it like a lifeline, focussing on the patterns being drawn instead of the kaleidoscope of thoughts in his head. 

The rising panic faded and he struggled to hold back tears. What was happening to him? Every mission on the Enterprise was stressful. He was used to the mental strains that each one came with. So, why had today's taken such a heavy toll?   

"It's okay, you're okay, Jim. You don't have to apologise." Samsa spoke so delicately. She prompted him to lie back and he did, allowing his eyes to flutter shut as she continued tracing patterns on his back. They stayed that way for a while before she spoke again. "We'll work it out. Both of us, together. In the meantime, you need to rest, okay?" 

"I'm not the only one," he murmured. "How are you feeling after today?"'

There was a momentary silence before she answered. "I'm feeling okay," she said. "Just awful for everyone I hurt. I...I know what my double said to you in the Medbay and Transporter Room. I don't have vivid memories of it, but after the duplication was reversed, I got a sense of what happened." 

Jim tensed as he thought back to those words. It made him wonder how much he truly knew about the woman he loved. Despite this, he pulled her closer and pressed a kiss to her neck. "We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"I appreciate that, Jim," Samsa said, the smile audible in her voice. "But you deserve to know." 

He shifted into an upright position and frowned. "Know what?"

Samsa dropped her gaze and curled her free hand into a tight fist. Jim's heart lurched as he knew what she was doing instantly. He reached out and took it, wincing at the sight of nail imprints already embedded in her palm. 

"I saw you doing this in the turbolift earlier," he said, ensuring he spoke with a gentle tone. "Do you do it a lot?" 

"I...I've always done it," she answered, quietly. "It heals anyway-"

"That doesn't matter, Sam, you're still hurting yourself."

"I know, I just..." Samsa trailed off and got up from the bed, making her way towards the adjoining kitchen area. "It-it keeps me grounded."