at long last, peace (medtech series #1)

thirty three

I slowly peeled my eyes and saw doc Pidlaoan in front of me along with Olly. 

"Sorry po..." I uttered. 

Doc sat beside me, "Were you not comfortable telling me how severe your nightmares are becoming?"

I sighed.

"I thought I could endure it po," I uttered, ashamed, kasi alam ko namang mali ko rin 'yun. I knew I was mistaken that I couldn't honestly tell how bad my panic attacks become when the nightmares get scary. I knew I was wrong there... Besides, I haven't been experiencing panic attacks even when I get the same nightmares.

Just this time again.

Akala ko kaya ko na.

"Luckily the glass wasn't that big to cause a major injury or hit a nerve, but they still had to stitch you up," Doc says. "We'll have to meet later, okay? We have to discuss your nightmares, Telly. They might be from a deeply rooted trauma that you've been wanting to forget."

Pilit akong ngumiti.

My phone vibrated from the bedside table kaya agad kong kinuha 'yun at sinagot ang tawag. Doc Pidlaoan excused himself from the ward at naiwan naman si Olly para magbantay.

I bit my lower lip and sighed.

"Hi ma... sorry for worrying you. I just dropped a glass."

Mom sighed, "Naku ka talagang bata ka... Ano, ayos na ba pakiramdam mo?"

I smiled and nodded, "Natawagan ko naman po pala si Olly," sagot ko. "Don't worry po, it was really an accident."

"Telly you have doctor Pidlaoan there, okay? If you need us pupuntahan ka naman namin diyan," dad uttered, worry was evident all over his face. Hindi ko maiwasang makonsensya kahit aksidente lang naman talaga 'yung nangyari. Sometimes, I couldn't really help but to blame myself.

I keep on worrying the people around me.

I didn't like that.

Tumagal pa nang ilang minuto 'yung tawag kasi ang daming paalala nila mama at papa na hindi naman na'ko nakipag-argue kasi naiintindihan ko rin naman sila, kahit hindi naman major 'yung injury kung ako rin naman siguro maka-receive ng tawag na nasugod sa ER 'yung isa kila mama, mag-pa-panic din ako.

"Olly," I called. Mabilis naman siyang lumapit sa'kin at ngumiti.

"Do you need anything? Gutom ka na ba?" 

Bahagya akong natawa, "Thank you, ha. Sorry rin sa abala, I didn't realize you were on my speed dial."

Olly smiled, "No really, it wasn't a big deal. I was even thankful you called me," he uttered, opening a bottle of water bago iniabot sa'kin 'yun. "I was really worried when I saw you passing out and bleeding."

I sighed and thanked him bago uminom do'n sa bottle. Ngayon ko lang din na-realize na sobrang dry na ng lalamunan ko. 

Truth be told, hindi naman pala talaga gano'n kalaki 'yung sugat ko sa kamay at hindi naman nakakaapekto talaga sa'kin kasi left handed naman ako, although pinaubos muna 'yung dextrose bago ako dinischarge. Nakokonsensya na ko kila mama kasi alam ko namang mahal din 'yung binabayad sa ospital... wala rin naman akong ma-i-contribute kasi wala akong trabaho. 

Hay.

Sana matapos na lahat 'to.

Olly accompanied me back to my apartment pero hindi na siya pumasok kasi kailangan ko pang maligo. Binalot ko na lang ng plastic 'yung kamay na may tahi kaya nakapag-shower pa rin naman ako although saglit lang. 

"You sure you want to go to school?"

I chuckled, "Malayo naman sa bituka 'to," natatawa kong sabi. "The pain's bearable, Olly. Don't worry about me."