hi so this is awkward

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Please read all of it, or dont. Its your choice 💕

Got a confession to make, Ironically i wrote and published all my books when i was still a minor.

i just turned into legal adult like REALLY recently and i decided to look back at my wattpadd and quotev account and saw a lot of people checking up on me, thanks yall 🥺💖

Did a lot of self reflection and was pretty buzy for the past 2 ish years and realize that wow what did i expect publishing pretty traumatizing content on a platform mainly for minors AS a minor LARPING as a adulty adult.

And in those two-ish years of reflection i feel pretty uncomfortable continuing to expose old and new minors as a teen nearing 18 with the stuff i enjoy wriitng and said "no ❤️"  hence the inactivity.

Not only that, i dont think having a social media presence is NOT for me, like in 2020 my mental health really said 📉📉📉 cause so many things that happened in the community, like i was cringe, and i mean CRINGE cringe , i made a lot of people in the yandere x reader writer community dislike me cause i was pretty immature  and obnoxious in that discord i joined and brought in a bunch of you guys in withour warning and the controversy with the TTAW book etc etc

I kinda thought like i was damn EXILED from the community for making TTAW cause one person decided to express their dislike for it in a status post in quotev and i was pathetically trying to get back in and be with the cool kids again, so i made some kind of applogy post, removed the yandere tag and went through all those hoops and loops cause i FR felt like i am very flawed and disgusting and wrong and everyone has the right stomp me into a waffle

Then comes the ones who critizised me for "condoning" yandere acts and im basically perpetuating a harmfull yadayadayada, therefore the MULTITUDES of trigger warnings and disclaimers and whatever 18+ restriction text o literally every chapter of every book, my books are genuinely just to make your heart tingle and entertain for a couple hours, not REALLY to push any propaganda about loving abusers.

But i cannot win, there will always be people dming me or commenting that i am morally disgusting for writing it,, and THAT hella affected me and I rolled over and tried to make amends where there are actually none, there are going to be people thinking that i make the "yandere community look bad" for writing fever dream books that arent really meant to be taken seriously AT ALL.

Then there is the political side of things and the messed up injustice of stuff happening in america, covid and all that jazz, although i do care about whats happening there like the BLM movement and petitions etc, i felt so pressured to ONLY talk about that and becoming a full time social justice warrior or i will get #CANCELED , but the more i consume news about those bleak events happening, the more my mental health eroded

I felt like everyone is #CANCELLING me and everyone wants to see me fail SO BAD.. everyone is conspiring against me and any time they will either dox me or send a hitman to end my life or something. And i was really desperately trying to gain back the favour from all the wrong people.

As i mature and step into legal adulthood, i realized that... Its not good or bad, no one was exactly right or wrong, thats just how it is if i have a social media presence no matter how big or small. Not everyone is going to agree with me, not everyone is going to get my point and not everyone is going to like me.

That took up majority of my mental energy. But here comes smaller WTF stuffs.

Someone posting threats of self harm and suicide in my conversations tab, somebody posting long long LONG paragraphs in Blind Date about their turmoils of being transgender  and the subsequent suicidal thoughts that follow, people using my private messages as some sort of place to vent or ask me to be their therapy,

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⏰ Last updated: Jun 14, 2022 ⏰

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