Jennie
"There's a group of us," Mina told me gently, quietly. "Players' wives, girlfriends, whatever. We support each other. No matter what we face, we support each other. If you'd like, I can introduce you to a few of them and maybe-"
"No," I cut her off, wiping my hands together to rid myself of any crumbs. "No, I- thank you. That's very kind but I just don't... know if Lisa sees things between us as that serious yet so I wouldn't want to-"
"Honey," she interrupted, placing a hand gently on my arm. "If Lisa brought you here, she's serious."
I just stared at her in shock, wondering if she even knew the fatal blow she'd dealt to my heart. I felt it now, hammering against my rib cage, even as she grabbed the ice cream and the cupcakes and swept out of the kitchen back for the dining room beyond that had grown increasingly rowdy since we'd left.
I stood in the kitchen for a moment, taking time to just breathe, trying not to dwell on her words despite my mind playing them over and over on repeat. Finally, I shook my head and strolled back into the dining room with the rest of them, forcing a smile despite the queasiness I felt. Lisa was bent over the four year old, scooping ice cream onto his plate and smiling and that simple image was enough to send my endocrine system into overdrive.
"Bathroom," I spat and they all turned to look at me. "Um, where is your bathroom?"
Mina pointed, giving instruction and I smiled gratefully and excused myself as gracefully as I could. Once away from them, locked into the privacy of the enormous first floor half bath, I was able to steady my own breathing. Years I'd spent with Kai and never once did things feel as serious as they already were with Lisa. My fight or flight instinct was kicking in and I was terrified to realize that I didn't want to do either. I stared at myself in the mirror, faced with a decision that I wasn't sure I was ready to make. But then I straightened my sweater, cleared my throat, and wandered back to the dining room where the others were already finishing their desserts.
"Football now?" the oldest boy was asking and Bambam and Lisa stood from the table, smiling. Lisa caught my eye as I re-entered the room and a look of concern passed briefly over her expression.
"Jennie-" she started.
"I'm fine," I told her as casually as I could. Mina seemed to understand, reaching across the table for my untouched cupcake.
"How about we girls take ourselves some extra ice cream and cupcakes outside and watch them be silly as usual?" she asked.
Lisa still watched me, a vague look of uncertainty on her face, but I only smiled encouragingly and thanked Mina for the suggestion. We followed them outside, she and I, and perched on the steps of the porch while the kids all ran off to play with Lisa and Bambam. She popped open the ice cream and handed me a spoon. I smiled and thanked her and ate in silence as I watched Lisa toss the ball to the kids in turn while Bambam waited on the other end to gently tackle anyone who caught it. There were squeals and giggles and laughter and I felt a tightening in my chest that had become all too frequent lately.
Mina and I chatted pleasantly about the lighter subjects women spoke of when they didn't know each other all that well. Movies we'd watched and loved, junk food we couldn't help ourselves around, and the products we used. It was all very pleasant, very safe. And then finally, she stood up, wiped her hands off and called for the kids to head off for bedtime. They all groaned and protested but one more look from her sent them packing inside, shoulders slumped and arms drooping at their sides.
Lisa and I thanked Bambam and Mina for hosting, made a few jokes, and said our goodbyes. They waved at us from the porch as we climbed back into the Corolla and Lisa pulled away from the driveway. I must have been lost in thought because I didn't realize I hadn't spoken a word to her until the Corolla came to a stop in front of my apartment.
"Listen, Jennie," she said then, her tone wary, careful. I turned to face her and saw the concern plain on her face. "I should have told you about Bambam. Him being a player and all. And I'm sorry if you're mad that I told him or that I didn't tell you that's where we were going but-"
"Do you want to come inside?" I blurted.
She stared at me, blinking in a combination of shock and confusion. Admittedly, I had surprised myself a bit.
"Yeah," she said after a moment. "Sure, yeah." She climbed out of the car and opened my door. I led her through the lobby and up the stairs to my door, pulling my keys from my purse just as it vibrated. I reached for my cell phone and read the message glowing on my screen.
"Everything okay?" she asked and I realized I was just standing in front of my door staring at my phone.
"Oh, yeah," I told her. "That was Teddy. He just wants to meet with us tomorrow morning, bright and early."
"Ah, maybe I should go then."
I looked up at her, feeling the tension between us, the things that neither of us had said. I wanted nothing more than to ease that tension but I was too afraid too. Mina's words echoed in my head. If she brought you here, she's serious. I'd been spending the whole night worrying, comparing and contrasting the pros and the cons, the risks and the rewards of pursuing this, whatever it was, with Lisa. But I was tired of worrying. I was tired of reasoning. And, most of all, I was tired of thinking. So, for the first time, I allowed my heart to speak for me and what it said surprised me less than I might have thought.
"Stay."
