you and your addictive heart - l.s.

the old you

"I'll help you with your burns, Lou," Lottie tells him, trying to change the subject because she knows exactly what crawled up his ass. 

Or who wants to crawl up his ass. 

"Thanks, Lots." 

Gemma disappears to the bathroom shortly after to take a shower. 

"How's it been going with Harry?"

Louis sighs, "I've been an asshole, he's been an asshole. Same old, same old." 

"I really get why, Lou." 

"What?" 

"I get why you fell for him. He has a kind heart, he's sweet, very lovable," She says in a lower voice. 

Louis tightens his jaw, shaking his head, "That's over Lottie. I hate him now, he's a stuck-up asshole." 

"Sure you do." 

"I- I really do." 

"Louis, please, lying to yourself is worse than just being honest and dealing with it." 

"I am being honest!" Louis raises his voice. 

"You feel nothing?"

"Nothing but hate." 

Lottie sighs, "I give you 2 weeks." 

"What?!"

"I give you two weeks to find back your brains and use them, for god's sake." 

Louis is surprised by her tone but also what she's saying, "Don't speak to me like that!" 

"You haven't spoken to me for real in years, you don't have the right!" Lottie seethes while giving back the after sun, "Fix your sunburn yourself and stop being an asshole to everyone who actually do care about you." 

Louis watches her leave the room while he tries to utter a word. 

He taps his foot against the floor anxiously, his sister never ever talked to him like that. 

He knew how bad he dealt with the situation. But he never realized how badly he was hurting his sister and maybe even his mom. 

He sighs, blinking away some tears. 

He truly is an asshole. To everyone who ever cared about him. 

He leaves their lodge promising himself that he would fix this tomorrow. He has to sleep right now, he's exhausted. 

He hopes Harry's already sleeping when he enters their own lodge. No such luck though. 

Harry's head turns to the door when he hears it, frowning when he sees Louis back this quick. 

"Did they help you?" 

Louis swallows thickly, not in the mood for this, "Yes." 

"You're lying." 

"I- I'm not," Louis sighs, having had enough of everyone accusing him of the same thing. 

"You are. I know you," Harry stands up from the couch, taking the after sun out of his hands. 

"You don't know me," Louis says while wincing as Harry touches his back. 

"I probably don't know the new you. But I did know the old you." 

"Do you really think that?" Louis asks, voice just above a whisper. 

"I do. You were honest, back then. You couldn't lie for your life," Harry snorts. 

There's a silence after that, Louis thinking about everything while Harry frowns reminiscing the old Louis. 

"I did like him better. "

"Who?" 

"The old you." 

Louis sighs before almost whispering, "Me too." 

Harry clears his throat, handing back the after sun. 

"Your back's done. I- I'm sorry for hurting you earlier." 

Louis averts his eyes and walks away, "I deserved it. Thanks for helping." 

Harry wants to scream that he doesn't deserve it. He hates it when Louis talks about himself like this. 

"Oh, uh Harry?" 

Harry looks up, "Yeah?" 

"Congratulations on your scholarship," with that Louis closes his door, ready to cry himself to sleep. 

Too much is happening. He can't be here like this for a month with Harry. 

It's too long, too close to the source of all his self-pity. He hates himself but also the situation he's been in for the last three years. 

And Harry. He's still Harry. The old Harry, he's lost part of his light he used to shine so bright but he's still blinding as ever. 

Lottie might be right, he won't be able to handle Harry at this close proximity. 

The only solution he knows for that kind of problem is pushing it away. What he's been doing  ever since it happened.