An Extra Pump of Sugar

Chapter 6

Theo lay facing me, his head pillowed on his arm, his often-disgruntled face lax and blissful. Our legs were tangled together, and I refused to shift and disturb our warm, pleasant junction beneath the blankets.

Unfortunately, Carl had a lot on his mind this morning, and I curled my fist into the comforter, begging him to shut up.

The sex hadn't been as gruesome as I'd imagined. I hadn't bled out like a murder victim—not like Yahoo Answers had warned me. It had been a little painful at the very beginning, slightly awkward as we struggled to find a position that worked, then simply...strange. A foreign feeling. But not bad. 

No, far from bad.

I'd been more mesmerized by my companion than anything. Theo had been a gentle, sensual, and thrilling lover. All things I never, ever would have associated with the barista. His expressions and sounds were erotic, his shudders and cursing adorable. I'd studied an entirely new subject of the human mind and its response to stimuli, and I was still reeling from what I could only describe as a spiritual undertaking.  

And as I lay there watching him, I battled a strange mix of emotions. I felt relief, because I was finally free from a label that had haunted me all of high school and my college experience. I was no longer held hostage by my inexperience, my uncertainty, my religious teachings. I'd conquered this milestone, and I didn't regret it. 

But I also felt a tinge of fear. Because yes, we'd used protection, but what if it wasn't enough? What if the condom had torn? What if he'd given me an STD?

I'd spent my entire youth at the church, and abstinence was all I'd ever known. And Baker, my asexual confidant, had never offered much insight into the world of hookups. There was still so much to learn about this realm of adulthood, and I'd taken the plunge blindfolded.

And then somewhere, deep in my marrow, I also felt a kernel of shame. 

This behavior wasn't like me at all. Hooking up with a random guy was reckless—even with contraception. My god-loving parents would have foamed at the mouth if they ever knew what I'd done.

And as for Theo...it wasn't like I wanted to impress him, but after I'd gone to the restroom to make sure he hadn't ripped my vagina in half, he'd kissed me goodnight and promptly passed out, leaving my mind to wander down the rabbit hole of self-consciousness.

Had I been bad at it?  Had the whole thing been totally awkward for him, and he'd just pretended to enjoy it?

I mean, hooking up with a virgin wasn't exactly the ideal scenario for a one-night stand. Plus, I'd never even been completely naked with a man before. Did I look abnormal? Should I have shaved a little more?

I had a feeling I should have shaved more.

"I can actually hear you overthinking," Theo murmured, startling me. He opened his eyes to grin at me, and my breath abandoned me at the way his irises glowed in the morning—like blades of grass under the sun. Grass and fallen leaves.

I tried to smile but failed, consumed by hangxiety and the repercussions of my choices.

"Hi," I whispered, pulling the sheets up to my chin.

"Hi."

We looked at each other for a beat, slowly recognizing the weight of our late-night endeavors, and then we shared an awkward laugh.

After disentangling our legs, my bedmate reached out and swept a strand of dark hair from my neck, watching me with a subdued, unreadable expression.  "...Coffee?"

I sat down at the kitchen table in my plaid shirt and Theo's black boxer briefs, sipping a cup of freshly brewed coffee. The barista sat down across from me in a pair of gray sweatpants that should not have looked as sexy as they did hanging off his hips.

"So," he said after a few seconds of unbearable tension.

I released an anxious sigh. "So."

His gaze flitted over me—the shirt sliding off my shoulder, the bare knee tucked to my chest, the hair wrangled into a tiny, messy ponytail at the base of my neck—and he wet his lips. "How are you feeling?"

"...Mentally or physically?" I asked.

He grinned at his own words. "Both."

"Physically, a little sore.  Kind of feels like someone launched a basketball at my pelvis."

He laughed, but his expression was sheepish. "Yeah. I'm sorry.  Do you want some Ibuprofen?"

"I'm okay right now." I looked at him, studying his sharp features and ridiculous bedhead. His hair stood out in all directions, and some small part of me wanted to reach out and rearrange it for him, like a florist tending to a bouquet of wilting flowers. "I am...a little embarrassed, though. This is all new to me. I'm not really sure how to process it all." I lifted the cup to my lips, congratulating myself on being somewhat candid about the tumultuous thoughts inhabiting my brain. "You?"

He smiled, and this time, I could tell it was genuine. "Physically, I feel great. You were...last night was..." He huffed at his incoherence and shook his head. "You shouldn't feel embarrassed. At all." The fondness faded from his eyes as they fell to the stack of books between us. "I do feel kind of weird about it though. Being with someone else is...weird. Not having that emotional connection is...weird." 

"I get it."

I also suspected that sleeping with someone who had absolutely no idea what she was doing was weird.

"And...I can't help feeling like I stole an experience from you that should have gone to someone else," he confessed, taking a nervous sip of coffee as he waited for my response.

I waved away his guilt like a terrible odor. "You didn't take anything away but a label. A lot of people would have handled it differently, but you were really sweet about it." I looked down, struggling to make eye contact with someone who'd seen me at my most vulnerable state, stripped of any kind of mental fortitude. "You made me feel safe...and desirable. And I'm honestly really grateful for that experience."

He'd removed a huge weight from my shoulders. A weight that had paralyzed me until now, preventing me from taking risks, exploring my own needs, and fully enjoying the opportunities and relationships college had to offer.

The sex also confirmed that, up until now, our interactions had carried an undercurrent of physical attraction—a feeling masked by irritation and a devoted heart. And perhaps on some level, our frustration and argumentative nature stemmed from wanting what we couldn't have and wouldn't pursue. But regardless of how deep we'd buried that want, consciously or not, we'd unearthed that carnal desire last night, and it was relieving to know it was mutual.

Theo was quiet for a moment, and then he cleared his throat, drawing my wary gaze again.  "Look, I just want to make sure we're on the same page..."

I cut him off before he took my sentimentality the wrong way. "You needed a rebound. I wanted to hook up. There are no strings here, and no expectations. I promise." 

He exhaled through his nose, his relief palpable, and it almost made me laugh.  "Okay."

We sat together in silence for a few moments, trading sips of coffee, and I couldn't believe I was sitting here in Theo's apartment...in Theo's boxers...after a night with Theo.

What a bizarre turn of events.

I pressed my lips together, leaning over the table and lowering my voice for no reason at all. "Also, I know we used a condom, but...are we like, good? Do I need to get tested or anything?"

An endearing smile spread across his face, almost like he'd forgotten how inexperienced I was. "I got tested after Alyssa told me she cheated. We should be fine."

Relief soothed Carl's chants, and I sat back feeling a whole lot better about the faint stinging sensation between my legs. Probably just a tear then.

Chuckling to himself, he slid his cup over the table. "Happy New Year, Stains."

I clinked my mug with his, spilling a little coffee onto the table—as intended—and he rolled his eyes. 

"Happy New Year, Theo."

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And that's the first act! Please don't forget to drop a vote for any chapters you enjoy! ❤️