DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO | JENLISA

Chapter 17

"Oh, uh- I can come back later if-" she started.

"No," I blurted, without any idea what I was doing. "That's- it's alright. Come on in. Rosé... was about to leave..."

"I'm going," she responded before I could continue, her own cheeks in competition for biggest blush with mine as she scurried from the room like a rabbit let loose from a trap. I watched her go, giving the back of her head my best glare.

"I'm so sorry," I said once Rosé had left. "I don't know how much of that you heard but-"

"Do you want to know?" Lisa asked, raising a brow. I did. But I also didn't want to hear her repeat anything we had said. I didn't think I could withstand any further mortification.

"No," I answered and she smirked. It was quiet for a moment between us. I felt her eyes on me and felt my own body betraying me, responding to the attention. I had to speak soon, had to interrupt whatever was happening between us. So, without much thought, I finally settled on something to say. "Congratulations!"

"I should be thanking you," she told me with a smile. "Telling me you thought about me while you were away... turns out that's all I need for 400 passing yards."

I looked up at her then, remembering her interview in the locker room, remembering what had followed. Despite my embarrassment, I narrowed my eyes.

"Mino and Hoony," I said.

"Yeah?" she answered, more cautiously this time as if gauging my reaction. "Are you okay with that? They said you had promised them tickets before you left and must have forgotten."

"Tickets, yes. Not six rows off the field and not locker room passes."

"Are you mad?" she asked and she looked genuinely surprised. "I didn't mean to overstep. I was just trying to get to know your friends."

I slammed the binder down that I had forgotten I was holding. "Why?" I snapped. "Why does Ms. I-Don't-Do-Relationships even want to get to know my friends?"

Lisa stared at me for a moment. I felt my chest rising and falling as I clutched the binder in my hands upon my desk for dear life. It was the only thing anchoring my rage. And I needed my rage. Without it, I was afraid of what I might feel.

"Jennie," she spoke my name so softly it threatened to undo me. "I know what I said then, in that article and many others just like it. And I meant it at the time. I made these rules for myself. No personal attachments. No emotional involvement. Because I'd gotten hurt before, in college, and it destroyed my game. I almost didn't make it to the NFL. So I've kept myself distant ever since, never allowing myself to get close enough to anyone to miss them if they left me."

I backed away from her then. It wasn't intentional, just a subconscious response to hearing my own fears reflected in her statements. I had done the same thing, hadn't I? When Kai had broken up with me. I'd pushed everyone away and thrown myself into my career, my friends, my finances, anything to not take that risk again. Lisa noticed that I had backed away. I thought it might discourage her, that she might take offense. But so far, nothing I had done had discouraged her and I was starting to wonder if anything ever could.

"But then I met you," she continued and suddenly I was finding it very hard to breathe. "It wasn't anything I expected. A new girl coming in to take Ji-hoon's place. Someone else I would have to work with. But then you came into that negotiations meeting and you looked so beautiful, so adorably flustered. I couldn't help myself. So I called you out. And you put me in my place. No one has done that to me since I picked up a football. I knew you were different. I knew you were special. And I haven't been able to take my eyes off you since."

"Lisa-" I tried to interrupt but she held up a hand.

"Please, Jennie, just let me get through this," she pleaded and I saw the desperation in her eyes so I nodded wordlessly. She was struggling, this was hard for her, but she was doing it all the same. How could I deny her that?

"I knew it the moment I saw you but I felt it when that reporter said you were going out with him. Screw my rules. I would break every single one of them just for a chance with you. So I told those reporters. Because you wouldn't let me tell you. That I'm ready. That I'm not that person anymore. At least, not for you."

She was finished. She stood watching me, the intensity of her eyes boring into me as if she could see every inch of me, every fear and every flaw etched into my face. She had never been so honest with me, so straightforward. She had always been flirtatious, playing coy games and trying to seduce me. But this wasn't just about sex. She was willing to give me... more.

Suddenly, I felt very hot. My palms were sweating, my breathing was heavier, I felt as if I were having an anxiety attack. "I- I don't know what to say," I told her. "I think- that's- thank you. For telling me that. But it was... a lot to digest and I think I might just need some time to-"

"Of course," she answered, more understanding than she had any right to be. "It's a lot to take in. And there's a lot that comes with me, as you know, but I told you before, Jennie, and I meant it. If you want me, I'm yours for the taking." With that, she turned on her heel and walked out of my office, leaving me with a damaged binder and a choice to make.