all the hurtful words || merlin

chapter two: unexpected

Of course, Gwaine was the first to throw his hand in the air.

"All right" nodded Arthur, and stepped back to the rest of the Knights, who were looking at each other, Gwaine, and Merlin at last. "Tell me when you're ready"

Never - Merlin thought, but he was not in the position to say such a thing to Arthur, so he lifted the shield from the ground. It was heavier than he expected it to be, but he managed to hold it in the right position until Gwaine told Arthur he was ready, and he gestured, that they can start.

Gwaine wasn't hard on him, even though the first attack seemed to be quite powerful, he barely even touched the shield. Him and the Knights of course knew how fragile Merlin could be, and didn't want to hurt him, not even by accident. After Gwaine came Percival, who did the same as the previous man, and so did the following Elyan which Arthur didn't like at all. He frowned at the sight but did not say a word.

Merlin's knees began to shake after a while from holding that heavy piece of wood. It was a sunny and hot day, and although he wasn't the one who was training little drops of sweat appeared on his forehead.

"Alright, everyone has done well" said Arthur when everyone - including Lancelot - had finished. He turned to Merlin  with a little smirk and pulled out his sword "There's only me left"

Merlin swallowed sharply, and immediately pulled the shield from the ground to protect him from the sword of the King. He was the only one who didn't spare the young servant. Merlin had to concentrate really hard to fend off every attack of Arthur. He became more and more tired with every second, and the shaking in his legs increased which eventually led him to collapse in the grass. He was on his knees and palms, shaking all over and struggling to breath. His stomach twitched either from the lack of food, or because of the sudden and unusual amount of effort.

Arthur put away his sword and waited a few seconds, but Merlin did not get up as he expected the boy to do so, so he walked up to him feeling a bit guilty inside for doing so hard on him, and knelt down to his manservant.

"Are you alright?" he asked to which Merlin only could give a small nod, and that didn't quite convince the King. The Knights walked up to them to see what was going on there, but Arthur put up his hand to show; Merlin was all right.

In fact, he wasn't. He'd had enough of Arthur and it was only the begging of the day. That was the last drop in the glass. He'd tried everything to be good for Arthur, to just once feel that his master was proud of him, but the only thing he achieved was the constant feeling of not being good enough. And he, thank you very much, didn't want that feeling anymore. His tiredness and pain turned into anger and frustration towards Arthur.

"Well?" Arthur asked and stood up to look down at the boy "Man up, Merlin"

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It was pretty late when Merlin finally opened the door of Gaius' chambers. The boy wasn't in a good mood, and it was written all over his face as he collapsed into his chair and placed his forehead on the table.

"What's the matter, Merlin?" asked Gaius, placed down a plate in front of his young apprentice and sat down "You look..down" he said to which Merlin groaned.

"I do? Didn't even notice" he mumbled and with a sharp sigh looked up to Gaius "Do you ever feel like nobody takes you seriously? That whatever you do is just..wrong?" the boy asked and pushed his plate a little further. He couldn't even think of eating at that moment.

The old physician looked at Merlin with worry in his eyes. He has heard Merlin ranting about the weight of his destiny quite a few times, and he never liked to hear it. He hated to see Merlin broken. "What happened?"

The young warlock shook his head. Arthur - he wanted to say but his mouth felt drier than ever. He couldn't say a word.

"I know sometimes it's hard with Arthur-" Gaius started guessing perfectly the reason of Merlins mood "But he need you more than anything or anyone. Your destiny, to protect the King is not a coincidence. You are the only one who can do that. You are the only one powerful enough to deal with all of his problems and enemies. What you're doing for him is irreplaceable."

Merlin looked at the physician and saw in his eyes that he meant every single word.

"Do you want to stay here tomorrow? I could tell the King you've fallen ill" Gaius suggested which finally resulted in a small grin coming from Merlin.

"You would lie to your King? Gaius, that's not like you" he said with a smile "But I think it's better not to. Arthur think that I spend most of my time in the tavern already, he'd just be even more angry with me. But thank you"

Gaius smiled at the words of the boy.

"Now eat. You must be starving"

The man was right, and Merlins stomach growled loudly to ensure that. He has barely eaten that day, and he spent the whole day working, so the boy was happy to start eating.

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Due to his exhaustion this night Merlin fell asleep pretty quickly. In his dreams he was haunted by all the bad memories, all the times he felt useless or powerless.

The boy woke up in his cold sweat the next day. He was breathing heavily, and was grabbing his blanket like his life was at stake. This wasn't his best night either. At least he got some sleep. Not quality sleep but just the fact that he wasn't awake staring blankly at the ceiling all night was enough for him.

Just like the day before he quickly changed, went in the other room to meet Gaius and had some breakfast. The physician asked Merlin if he was feeling better, to which the servant answered with a grin.

"I am" he said after he has decided not to tell about Gaius about his nightmares "I know I'm awesome" he chuckled and swallowed the last bite of his breakfast.

Gaius laughed at that comment and watched his apprentice walk out from his chambers.

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Merlin was on his way to Arthur's chambers in rather a good mood now. Talking to Gaius could always cheer him up.

"Rise and shine"  he said the usual, and the morning continued just like it always would, except for one thing that Arthur mentioned

"We'll go for a hunting trip today, so prepare the horses" Arthur said casually, and that left Merlin speechless.

"What? You know I don't like hunting trips!" the servant said with a little anger towards the King.

"Oh I know. I just don't care"

heyy so here's the second part, and I don't promise that they'll come daily, but I'll do my best to write them asap:)
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