Sophia Jones was a few months away from finishing her master and she was terrified. She didn't want to admit to anyone including herself that she didn't know what to do after. All she's ever known is studying and studying. Getting into the world wit...
"I've told you many times that you are too expressive and emotional" My mother's monologue began an hour ago.
I know I should have kept my mouth shut but all I wanted was to share my concerns with someone. All I wanted was a bit of support.
But I never thought it would backfire like that. That my mother would twist my words and make of my concern a monologue on how many flaws I have.
It's been like this since I was little. Everything I did was wrong and others did right. Everyone was better and everyone was a good example except for me.
"Mom, he humiliated me in front of all my classmates" I defended myself in the hope she'll understand and take my side but all I got was a stern look.
"Well, that's because you probably asked a bad question and didn't pay attention to his speech" She continued to defend his words without a second thought.
"Yeah, let's leave it like that" I stood up from the table.
"See? You can't even take criticism. You get upset over every little thing."
I lost it as soon as I got into my room. I suppressed the tears and swallowed the lump in my throat but I didn't get rid of it.
My chest, heavy with pain, raised uncontrollably.
Why is there always something wrong with me? Why is everyone good in her eyes but not me?
For how long must I keep living like this?
When will my turn to receive love come?
---
Months went by and things went back to normal.
My mother forgot her hurtful words the day after, as she did these whole years I've been alive. While she was going on as nothing my chest was getting heavier and my anxiety worse.
I had no one to talk to about my concerns, not even to Melanie because she was already struggling with her own problems at home, and adding mine would be a burden.
The burnout was showing both in my mood and face.
The presentation for my master's dissertation was in a few minutes and I was nervous.
The conference room was empty but anyone could come in and listen to my thesis.
Melanie was having hers at the same time so we couldn't give each other support.
