don't get too attached - matt sturniolo

chapter fifteen

(a/n: short chapter, but we're getting back into the swing of things :))

"so...what, you're just going to abandon them?"

i walked faster down the hallway, my breaths rapid and shallow in my chest. i did not want to have this conversation now. or tomorrow. or frankly, ever.

"this is the game we're playing? what are you, fucking seven? sticking your fingers in your ears and going 'la la la' until i leave you alone? fat chance, (y/n)." i winced but didn't slow. it was up to me to fix everything, and just because matt didn't deem my methods worthy enough didn't meant i wasn't trying.

a small sensation of guilt and what i thought of as betrayal had been unspooling in my gut for the past couple of days. i had practically ghosted nick and chris, giving vague, downright insulting excuses to flounder out of hanging out. my dad's words had stuck with me, and i realized that i had dug a hole far too deep. when they left, i would be adrift without anyone to fall back on. i had committed a cardinal sin, and had severed every connection worth having.

but if my friends, particularly sarah, had cast me out without a second thought just for talking to someone else, was it really worth it?

i came upon an intersection and chose a corridor at random, fatigue starting to set in. why was this school so damn big?

"you're a coward. i knew it. i just fucking knew it. running as soon as things get tough. i was going to stand up for you, you know that? i thought, for one second, that you were worth protecting. but you just think of yourself and nobody else, and look where it got you."

air was harsh and ragged in my lungs by now. i finally slowed, ready to take whatever he was ready to give me.

when i turned around, he was standing there with a heaving chest, eyes bright with righteous fury. his mouth was set in a grim line, and his hand was clenched in a fist. he was a picture of indignation painted in black and olive green, and i hated the small part of me that was delighted in seeing such vehement emotion being on display for me. he was so reserved, so distant, that my traitorous heart was rabid for any feelings being shown.

"you can't...abandon people when you're the one being left behind," i managed to say between small gasps of air.

he tilted his head, calculating, weighing my words. i admired his determination to keep his brothers happy. he was putting himself on the line to make a point. i could respect that, even when it was being turned on me.

"don't mistake my coming after you as me caring about you at all." he finally said, and i inwardly glared at the part of me that flinched at the words.

"i'm doing this for them. you can't just make yourself a part of their lives and then distance as soon as an obstacle presents itself. that's....what i do." his brows furrowed as he came upon the observation, but then he fixed his glare back on me.

"and nick gives me shit for it. so consider this my nicolas sturniolo moment. stop being a baby and start hanging out with us again."

as he stalked off, i mulled over his words, warmth settling into my chest at the fact that he had used the word "us."