don't get too attached - matt sturniolo

chapter six

when i went to my next class, i expected the heavy quiet that greeted me. but what i didn't expect was even the teacher glancing at me, then clucking his tongue and shaking his head. shame washed over me, but with it came a small lick of aggravation. was i being looked down on for simply trying to be friendly? they didn't know anyone here, for christ's sake.

my sudden burst of frustration surprised me. when had i decided to defend them? we weren't friends. they were just looking for someone to connect with. and that connection came with a price. i knew that. but it didn't mean that i had to like it.

i kept my head down and focused on my work, just waiting for the day to end.

when the bell mercifully rang, i hurried towards the parking lot, the looks of hundreds of students still lighting my nerves up.

i got home to desolate inactivity, but i didn't pause to think about it. i went up to my room and got my own homework done, knowing that i would be too consumed with chris later.

by the time i made it over to their house, the thought of breaching the rule didn't cross my mind. i just wanted to relax.

"(y/n), our savior! you made it!" chris greeted me, coming down the stairs. i felt myself smiling despite the day's events.

"matt's waiting in the living room and nick is in his room, so you don't have to worry about him distracting you."

i nodded and made my way to where i had sat before. same as last time, matt was reclined, eyes avoiding me hands positioned just above the keyboard of a laptop.

"hi?" i ventured, the greeting coming out as more of a question. he grunted, which was more accepting than anything else he had done towards me.

chris bounded into the living room, carrying a couple bags of chips and tossing them at matt and i.

"let's get this party started!"

"it's not a party, it's a homework assignment, and you better pay attention. i agreed to help, not bail you out." i replied, adopting nick's disapproving tone. chris winced and nodded, running a hand through his hair.

we sat in a loose triangle, and watching matt practically come alive with chris was like sunlight reflecting off of snow, sudden brightness offsetting a dead background. chris would throw out a half-baked idea, an unfinished sentence, and matt would be right there picking up the slack, grabbing onto the frayed ends of chris's thoughts and polishing them into academic beauty. i was barely needed, only there to finetune phrasing.

i hadn't even noticed that nick was sitting next to me until i heard, "it's weird, right?"

"i don't even know why i'm here," i whispered back.

nick turned to me, sweeping me with a look, giving me a grin, and tilting his head at chris. "he likes having you around. i told you he made friends easy."

"is that what we are?"

"i know i did not just hear you doubting our eternal bond, (y/n)." chris reproached me. i put my hands up, laughing.

"are we that close?"

his eyes bugged as he put his hands to his chest. "we know each other's deepest secrets!"

i raised a brow, and he sighed. "fine. we don't know them...yet. so give us one. something you've never told anyone before."

i put my hands in my lap, fiddling with the fabric of my shirt. he didn't beat around the bush, did he?

"i don't know." i hedged. i glanced up at them, sitting around me. nick was frowning towards chris, but when we made eye contact, his eyes were bright, belying his disapproving manner. chris was leaning forward, way too relaxed for the idea he had just proposed.

and matt had his attention fully focused on me, laptop closed and not diverting his gaze to anything other than me on the couch. the weight if the situation made me hesitate, but i decided to give them something. if matt deemed this interesting or engaging enough, i felt the strangest urge to live up to expectations.

"i think we're wrong. about ignoring the new kids. i think i've always felt guilty about it in some sense, but i've pushed it down because i didn't want anyone else to look at me differently."

silence ticked by for a few seconds, and i kept my eyes steadily on my hands.

"thank you, (y/n). that means a lot." nick put his hand on my shoulder and gave it a light squeeze, and i gave him a hesitant smile.

chris was quiet for once, but he nodded at nick's words.

matt got up from the couch and left the room, thundering up the stairs before a distant slam of a door echoed through the house. i gawked, staring at his vacated seat.

"don't worry about it, he just-" nick started, but it was blatantly obvious what matt thought of my confession.

it wasn't good enough. i wasn't good enough.