Grow Up BxB

Prolouge- Therapy day 1

WARNING- THIS ENTIRE STORY IS ABOUT JULIAN BEING SEXUALLY ABUSED AND HOW THEY OVERCOME IT!!! THIS WHOLE BOOK IS A TRIGGER WARNING. I am not responsible for your trigger since this is a warning. Besides that, I hope you like it.

Also, I am dyslexic so please be patient with my spelling. If you see anything that's not right let me know and ill fix it.
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"Can you tell me how old you were when you met him?"

I looked at my therapist. Her dark brown eyes were staring at me as she held a notepad on her lap. Her chestnut-colored hair was tied up in a bun. It was very messy, probably from the amount of time she keeps on touching it.

I looked back down and stared at my lap. I don't like making eye contact. I could feel my heart beating quickly from the amount of anxiety I was feeling as I played with the holes in my jeans. I'm regretting this. I was never good at opening up. I want the help. I do. I want to think again. I want to be able to tell the voice in my head that I had no control over what happened and I want to believe it. I don't want to feel ashamed anymore. That's why I'm here. "I was five."

"And when did the abuse start?"

I didn't answer. Abuse? Should it be called abuse? It didn't feel like I was being hurt. I never felt like I was in danger. Yeah, what we were doing was wrong but I don't think it should be considered abuse. They shouldn't throw around that word so carelessly.

"I know it's hard for you to understand since he made you believe that what you two had was something special but what he did to you was not right. What he did was abuse you. He touched you in places where you were too young to be touched even if you gave him consent." I  don't want to listen to this. "I understand that this is your first time receiving help so I don't expect much progress in this appointment. Today is all about getting to know you and what brought you here."

I take a deep breath and let it out. "When you asked when it started what exactly do you mean?"

"When did the sexual relationship start? More specifically when did he introduce you to sex?"

I don't want to talk about it. It's too embarrassing. Why do I have to tell everyone how dirty I am? I don't understand. Oh my God, I did things with an older man! I'm so fucking gross. I don't get how no one in my family is ashamed of me. I know I am. To have such a dirty mind at such a young age. I'm not normal. Oh God, I'm starting to think too much again. "I was in the 4th grade. I think. I'm not good at remembering ages. I go by grade. I don't remember a lot of things."

"Can you tell me more about this please?"

"I don't think I can." I start fidgeting with my hands. I rub my hands on my thigh as I take a deep breath. This is so hard. I spent my whole life keeping this from everyone. I was careful and still, I don't know why I broke.  I couldn't look her in the eyes. It's too awkward. I want to go home. This was a bad idea.

"That's okay. This is you're the first day. There's no rush. Take your time."

I nodded and then spoke. "My mom just gain custody of me. And moved me away from my grandparents."

"How did your grandparents feel about your mom taking you away?"

"My grandparents were mad and now that I think about it they were desperate. They had a bad feeling about him because of the 15-year age gap. My mom was 19 when they got together. They didn't want me going with him. My mom spoiled me to show me how much she wanted me to be a part of her new family. She always gave me an option on who I wanted to live with which is why she did everything to keep me from wanting to move back."

" I see. How old was your mom when she had you?"

"14."

Is that why your grandparents had custody of you in the beginning?