𝐇𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐒𝐞𝐞𝐤 | 𝐏𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐁𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐝

prologue.

Sometimes I think I'm going insane.

That slowly, my sanity is peeling off the walls of my cerebrum, and soon I'll be nothing but a shivering structure of muscle and bone - a failed experiment.

I talk to therapists and physicists, and they all prescribe me colourful pills and rest, but none of their help saves me from falling over the edge.

Sometimes, I think I've already fallen. I'm just waiting to hit the bottom.

Dr Brenner says 'in brilliance, there are equal components of madness' - that unless we accept both the good and bad in ourselves we can't become whole. But I hardly feel brilliant or mad, when most days I can't even feel at all.

But the physicians assure me that this awful, aching feeling is nothing but the torment of my mind, overwork after a difficult lesson. They say pills can fix me. That there's still hope I'm not just another useless dent in government funds.

My lessons distract me. So does painting and reading and writing in the rainbow room. I find that if I don't focus on the hurt, it can't find me.

It's a bit like a game of hide and seek.

If I run far enough, I'm not even sure what exactly I'm running from - Dr Brenner? this facility? myself? - it'll never catch me and I can be normal again, as normal as I can be.

But, I never seem to run far enough.

I wake up, every morning, staring at the popcorn ceiling of my bedroom, dressed in a thin patterned hospital gown. I can't even claw at my hair in spite.

They took everything from me.

Maybe, it's because I'm still young, hopeful, naïve, or even stupid, but I have hope. I still haven't forgotten my real name, my real parents, or my real friends.

So I'll always hide.
Even though, I know I'll always be found.

Not for me.
But for them.

A/N

- just finished stranger things season four. it was so incredibly amazing and that inspired me to write this fic. If you've enjoyed the chapter so far please vote and comment. Also, this is my first time writing in the first person so bear with me.

- rosa <3