choking insanity

i feel, i think, they say, i do

I FEEL like i chase pain,
i feel like i my brain is numb from all the thinking i try to do each day,
and i feel like a jaw of jealousy is biting at my arm trying to remind me to do my worship of envy to keep me sane.

I THINK of her at night when my shadow taunts me of my past melodies,
i think my thoughts are too loud and they drown in my gut,
and i think i don't know where to go from here and i'm scared.

THEY SAY to do better but i still haven't learned how,
they say to try more but it's all i do,
and they say i'm being dramatic and maybe i am but i can't help it.

I DO (not) believe things are going to get better soon. soon is written on my mirror in blood, it's what i hear in my dreams that feels a little too real.
i do sink lines into my skin until it bruises into a purple,
and i do not know how to talk about these things so they burn in the fire of what i feel, think, say, and do.