more than friends [JohnnyBoy]

Realizing [Chapter 3]

"Thanks Dally!" He took a bite of his food and I sat down across from him. I fiddled with my fingers and waited for him to finish his food. I heard the television from the other room. They had it on so loud, like they were old deaf people. He finally finished his food and put his plate in the silver sink. He grabbed a glass from the cupboard and filled it up with water and drank it. Pouring the left over water in the sink. 

"Johnny, what you wanna do today?" He asked me while looking outside through the window. "Um, I don't mind. We could go out and hang at the um, the lot? Maybe go for a walk?" I suggested, these were the only things I knew were interesting around here. 

He nodded and agreed on going to the lot. We grabbed our shoes and put them on. I had my worn out black converse and he had his white ones. We exited the small home and started walking toward the old lot we always hung out at. 

After minutes of walking we found our selves at the lot. Old rusty pieces of metal filled the area and just junk in general. We sat down on the black thrown out sofa. We sat there in silence until I decided to break it. 

"Hey Pony? Y'know that Cherry girl from the movies?" I asked in an interested tone. He looked at me trying to remember what I was talking about. 

"Oh yeah, that one! What about her?" He wondered. He looked directly at my eyes as he spoke. 

"She really liked you, huh? D-do you like her? It's fine, you don't gotta tell me." I reassured, I didn't want him to feel pressured to answer. 

"Well, I don't know Johnny. She was pretty and all but... I don't know..." He didn't give me a direct answer but I understand, he must have really not known. It was awkward for a moment. No one said anything for a minute.

 We just stared into the distance, the nature. 

"Hey Johnny, Do you ever feel like you just.. um.. you ever feel like girls are just y'know, not really interesting? Like, r-romantically." He asked with a nervous expression on his face. A light blush appeared on his face and he was fidgeting with his hands.

 Well, that was an unexpected question. If I gotta be honest it sounds kinda like a queer  would say. Being gay is fine, just rare among people in my area. 

It took me a moment to think about what he asked. I realised I hadn't really been interested in girls lately. They just.. weren't it? They were pretty and stuff, they just didn't really catch my attention. My eyes widened and I started to breathe more heavily. Panic arises. 

Wait a minute!  No.  I couldn't.  I am not. 

I'm not a queer, no way I am!

I debated with myself. I liked girls! Not guys, no way. I don't wanna be an outcast, more of an outcast than I am. I don't wanna be bullied by them Soc's even more. I don't want to lose everyone in my life. I've been looking a guys lately, not girls. No way in hell that's true. I have been absent-mindedly checking out guys! No! How?! 

 I was zoned out for a while because Ponyboy was trying to get my attention. 

"Johnny. Johnny? It's okay, it was a dumb question!" He tried to convince me. 

"Darn, sorry Pony I just... It wasn't a dumb question." I said, I didn't want him to think I wasn't interested in what he was saying. 

"So, do you relate? I just, it's weird Johnny!" He tried to explain how he felt inside. The thing is that I felt the same way. Deep inside I knew how I felt. I just didn't know how to say it. 

My mouth opened but nothing was said. I didn't wanna phrase it weirdly, I didn't want him thinking anything of it.

"Y-yeah. I guess I do. Girls are just, y'know, not interesting anymore." I agreed with him, it was true, it was weird. I wasn't gonna be gay, I was just gonna get myself killed. I nearly died because of the fire. I ain't gonna die by being a queer either. I couldn't let anyone know. 

It was getting boring down here. I wanted to go back to the house. Ponyboys house. I got up and held out my hand for Pony. Once his soft hands made contact with mine my stomach churned. Not the bad type, it felt good. He lifted him self up with the help of me. He soon figured out where I wanted to go as I started to walk toward the house. 

I felt his eyes on me. Even though I didn't turn to look. I just knew. It felt awkward knowing someone was looking you. I didn't want to do something embarrassing in front of him.

"Pony, why are you starin'?" I asked but not turning to look at him. I was still looking down at the ground in front of us. Nothing, no response. I wondered why, did I say something wrong? I turned my face to his. He was red as a tomato, what was wrong with him today? He was acting all weird. 

"Pony? Why are you red?" I was still looking at him, he still refused to look at me again. Geez, what have I done now? He looked nervous. 

"I- I um.. I t-think I'm-" He cut himself off. 

"Nothing Johnny. I just-" Again, cut himself off. His eyes looked glossy, as if he was about to start crying. His hands were slightly shaking too. What has gotten into this kid? He looks ill, as if he wasn't okay.

"Nothing, don't worry." He whispered under his breath, avoiding eye contact with me. His eyes were darting around the surroundings. Looking at everything.

Everything but me.

Horse bitch, you pussy. You could've told Johnny! What a chicken, right?! 🙄                                    

Anyway, thanks for reading babes! Love y'all! 😍