Star upon the Sea.

Chapter 1; The letter.

I am not perfect and I will never be. But that is the reason why they all left me.

Reagan’ POV

11 months ago...

“If Simon wants this or that you will easily give it to him, why? Bakit ka ganiyan, Rey! Matino ka namang babae, you even have achievements, awards, rank in school, you even have trophies from pageants, you have the beauty and brain. Perpekto kang babae, pero bakit ka nagpapakatanga sa isang lalaki? To the boy who can't even see what's the real you. Nakakagalit Rey. ” My bestfriend slapped me with the truth, grabe real talk'an talaga kapag siya na kausap ko.

Marahan kong tinapik ito sa kaniyang braso. “Because I love him, Ulys. I really do, ” I sincerely said.

Muntikan naman itong magwala dahil kitang-kita ko ang inis sa kaniyang mukha. Hindi rin ito mapakali sa kaniyang inuupuan. Kasalukuyan kaming nasa isang Coffee Shop sa tabi lamang ng apartment namin. Malawak dito, may mga binebenta rin silang libro if you want to read.

“Calm down, Ulys.” Umiiba talaga ang timpla nito kapag si Simon na ang usapan eh. Para siyang kape, pumapait bigla, parang nahaluan ng kapeng barako.

“You know Rey, I only wants the best for you because I don't want to see you be broken. Huwag sanang madurog iyang puso mo dahil sigurado akong mag-iiba ka at ang pananaw mo about love. And because I am your best friend, I only care for you, your feelings and your heart.”

Nakaka-touch naman ang bestfriend kong 'to. Parang ayoko nang kumilala ng iba, I only need her in my life. I'm too precious for her and I really appreciate her.

“Beh, nakaka-fall ka naman, iba ka talaga!” pabiro kong sabi, ngumiti lang siya sa akin.

“Sira!” Aray ha, hinampas ba naman ako.

• • •

“Reagan, I am not happy anymore. Let us end this. Ayaw ko nang maging pabigat pa sa buhay mo, you know I am not contended of what we are right now. Hindi ako masayang nakikita kang successful, habang ako ay ganito, walang patutunguhan ang buhay.”

Hindi ko alam kung matatawa, malulungkot o maiinis ako sa mga sinasabi ngayon ng boyfriend ko. Kasi 'di ba? Anong klaseng rason itong mga pinagsasabi niya?

“Ano ba, Simon. You know that I love you, hindi ba iyon sapat? Bakit ka ba kasi ganiyan, palunod nang palunod ang self confidence mo, babe please I don't want to hear that again. Paulit-ulit na lang tayo sa ganitong argument, nakakasawa na.” Mula sa pusong sabi ko habang hawak ang kaniyang mga kamay.

“Oh 'di ba, nagsasawa ka na rin so might as well let us break up. Pagod ka na kakaintindi sa akin, pagod na rin ako sa mga naririnig ko. I'm not the one for you. Hindi kita deserve, Reagan. Just leave me, I will set you free.” Seryoso siya, I can sense that he's sincere, and I don't want it. Ayaw kong ganito siya. Palagi niyang pinag-didiinan na I'm perfect, na he doesn't deserve me because I'm too high for him, but all I want is to love him, to show that I really care, to let him feel my love. Pero sa mga sinasabi niyang ganito, parang may kulang.

“Why?? Am I not enough?? Huwag mo na kasing isipin ang iba, what's important is us, tayo, ikaw at ako. Hindi ba? Don't leave me please, babe.” I'm trying to get close to him so that he can feel my warmth, my sincerety but he pushed me away. Tumayo siya ang nagpampag.

“Give me a break,” that's all. Wala na siyang ibang sinabi the. He walked out from my apartment door, he slammed it and after some time I heard his car making his way away from me. Ang sakit.

He didn't officially broke up with me but shit it hurts like hell. But after some days and weeks, he didn't show up. He even cancel my call. Bigla na lang siyang nawala until one day, month of March came.

The day he broke up with me, is the day that I've list my insanity. March 23, he sent me a letter, I thought it was a love letter or a letter of apology saying he's sorry but na ah, it  is not.

I opened it and read the letter he sent me.

"My Sunshine,

Hi Reagan, I sent you this letter for I don't have the confidence to face you anymore.
After some weeks I already made up my mind.
I am really sorry for doing this. 
But I have to do it, it's for your own sake.

I am no one compared to you.
I still don't know what I am doing.
I'm sorry. I just can't afford being with you because I'm a lowly person, while you are at the top of everything.
I love you still but I have to let you go.

May you find the right one for you,
Always take care of yourself.

Love,

Simon."

Pagkatapos kong basahin ang liham ay lumuluha na pala ako, pinahid ko ito at tinawagan ang bestfriend kong si Ulysses. Masyadong masakit upang magdrama mag-isa, baka hindi ko makayanan at kung ano pa ang gawin ko.

I might've seen this moment before, I'm still not ready. I've fallen hard for him big time. He saved me from drowning but he let me burn while holding his hands, drowning was never the problem, it was the heat from him.

“Hello?!” Ulys answered. Then I burst into tears, I told her everything and she comforted me, she said she'll meet me and so she did.

We broke up upon a letter, he left me upon words he couldn't utter, he shattered my heart into pieces. Makakabangon pa bang muli ako mula sa pagkakalugmok? Oh patuloy pa rin ako sa pag-iyak nang dahil sa lalaking lubos kong minahal, na pati kaluluwa ko'y handa kong ialay?

Mali ba ang maghangad ng pagmamahal galing sa taong minamahal mo ng sobra, higit pa sa sarili mo? Mali bang ibigay mo lahat-lahat sa isang tao? Bakit kailangan pang masaktan kung ang nais mo lang naman ay ang magmahal?

Why do the one who always loves the most, gives everything will receive too much pain in the end?

Doubting yourself at the end of the day because of the trust that they had broke.

Kung mali ang pamamaraan ko ng pagbibigay ng pagmamahal, sana hindi na lang ako muling iibig at manatili na lamang akong mag-isa habang-buhay.

End of chapter 1.

• • • •
A/N;

Hello guys!!

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—
Ei Jei