Hey You Beautiful

Chapter IX - Dylan

After the therapy session, Dylan scheduled the rest of Jessica's appointments and paid for everything. They took their leave and got into the car. Dylan drove the two of them to Jessica's house.

The car ride was silent, but the inside of Dylan's mind wasn't. The buzz of all these thoughts--of Jessica, of work, of Krystal--almost made her head hurt. For this moment though, she just wanted to be happy for Jessica.

Dylan glances at Jessica and finally breaks the silence. "How do you feel? About the cutting situation? About the whole thing, really?" Dylan asks. Jessica looks back at her before shrugging with a slight smile.

"Not sure," she says. "I know that the therapy didn't cure my depression. I still feel useless and unwanted, but it did help with the temptations of cutting. When you were scheduling my next appointments, Kim gave me this rubber band and told me to use it instead every time I felt like cutting," Jessica adds.

Dylan nods. "So, do you feel comfortable with going to these next appointments?" Dylan asks. Jessica looks back at her with the most adorable eyes Dylan had ever seen.

"Yeah, I guess so. It wasn't so bad today," Jessica says. Dylan stares at her before smiling. Jessica raises an eyebrow and watches Dylan like she's crazy. "What?"

Dylan just shakes her head. "I made you smile. Face it, Jessica. You've got feelings for all this sexiness," Dylan says, pointing to herself. Jessica scoffs, pushing Dylan.

"I do not! I just--the way you said that compliment. It was so sweet and original and it made me feel happy. It just makes me think about how Tyler's never complimented me like that," Jessica says.

Dylan stares at her this time with a look of sadness in her eyes. Tyler, Dylan thinks. I had almost forgotten that she was a married woman who was twelve years older than me. An older woman I have no chance with.

Dylan's thoughts wander. Why did she still have feelings like this for Jessica? It had been past the usual time Dylan's little crush phase had ended--they usually lasted less than two days. Despite that, Dylan felt warm and cuddly inside when Jessica was around her.

Dylan listens to Jessica's directions to get to her house and pulls up to it when they arrive. Dylan gets out with Jessica.

She walks to the other side and opens the door for Jessica. "Jessica, before you go, I wanted to do something," Dylan says. She pulls the pocket knife out of her jean pocket and hands it to Jessica. Jessica stares at her like she's a lunatic.

Dylan just puts her hands in her pockets, swaying back and forth. "I trust you with it. I swear to God, if I see more cuts the next time I see you, I'm gonna bring you in twice a week. Mmkay?" Dylan asks.

Jessica smiles before throwing the knife into a large bush. "I won't be needing it," Jessica says. She inhales a deep breath, and Dylan quickly grabs the Sharpie she always carries around in her car. She walks behind Jessica and lifts her arm that is bandaged up.

Dylan writes the words, 'Don't do it. Jessica, hwaiting! :)' on the bandage wrap, and Jessica looks up at Dylan with a genuine grin. Jessica and Dylan shake hands before Dylan takes her leave.

As Dylan drives back to Krystal's house, she thinks about Jessica and Tyler. They're married, Dylan thinks. Which means that you have no chance with Jessica. Why even bother trying to get to know her when all you're going to get is rejection?

Krystal is waiting for Dylan as Dylan pulls into the driveway. Krystal hugs her as she gets out of the car. "Dyl, I wanna talk to you about something serious. Come with me," Krystal says, grabbing Dylan's hand and pulling her into her house.

Dylan sees a few women cleaning up the messy house as Krystal pulls her inside and up the stairs. They go into Krystal's bedroom and sit down on her bed. Dylan feels her heart beating rapidly as she nervously wonders what Krystal is going to talk to her about.

"I wanna talk about you, Dyl. I...I know you don't love me and you probably never will. But, I love you, and I want to let you know I'm there for you. Always. So, I want you to tell me about your depression. Why it happened, what factors added onto it, stuff like that," Krystal says.

Dylan is a bit shocked to hear these words come out of Krystal's mouth. She had never really said much about Dylan's depression, much less want to actually talk about it. Nonetheless, Dylan appreciated that Krystal was there to talk to her about it.

Dylan thinks about where to start. "Well, first and foremost, I had become a very sad and serious person in ninth grade. My crush was going to another school, and I was kinda upset about it. But, a few months later, we got back into contact and started dating.

"We dated until I was sixteen, right after my mom died in the car crash. By that time, I was pulling away from her because I wanted to be left alone to mourn my mother. I only had a few friends in sophomore year, and things became harder."

Dylan wipes her nose, pausing as she feels her eyes get watery. "My dad found out about me being a lesbian, and that was when the sexual harassment began. He tried to force me to like men by sexually harassing me. He began physically abusing me as well.

"One day, I got ahold of one of my dad's knives and began cutting. When my sister came to visit my brother and I, she caught my dad harassing me and found out about me cutting. She got him arrested, and my aunt took custody of us. My sister took me to a weekly therapist for my depression, and I eventually got better.

"When I turned eighteen, I changed my name and moved here for college. Now, I'm lucky I'm here, lucky to be alive. I got back in contact with my first girlfriend, Amy--you know her, right? The friend from college?--and I now have a job and friends and I'm happy," Dylan finishes.

Krystal stares at Dylan before smiling and hugging her tightly, kissing her forehead. "I need to thank your sister next time she comes here. Wow. How come you never talked to me about all that?" Krystal asks.

Dylan shrugs, thinking about it all over again. "I didn't want to act like a giant crybaby," Dylan says. Krystal giggles and punches her arm playfully.

"Please. You hide in all your pain and feelings. Dyl, I don't want you to ever feel left out when you're around Amber or Sooyeon or me. We all love you and care about you, and we want you to be open with us. Now, how about you and I go to the gym and get a little exercise?" Krystal suggests.

Dylan nods, smiling. "Sounds great. Wouldn't miss it for anything."