Chasing Rainbows ➳ Kellic

Chapter 34: What Have We Become?

"You sure you want to do that? Couldn't they find out or something," he spoke bluntly. "Don't want to risk that."

"Good point," I murmured. "But we can still talk."

"Still," he said. "It won't work if we don't do it properly, now will it?" The way he spoke was so different to how he normally would. It made me worry.

"Yeah, okay," I mumbled, stopping talking to him. He had a point, we shouldn't even be near each other, and I just want this to work out. But something about the way he spoke sounded like there was more than what he was letting on. I wish he'd just tell me so I didn't have to work it out. This is what he wants, isn't it?

When it ended, Kellin was the first to leave, so unlike how he usually waits for me. But I guess we have to keep up this, I shouldn't be expecting him to wait for me. I shouldn't expect him to talk to me. I shouldn't be expecting anything at the moment, because the more believable this is, the sooner it will stop. But I do fear of it being more than an act. He hasn't spoken to me much, and I feel lonely without him always by my side.

My first class was boring of course being English, but I made it through, though most of the time was spent with Kellin clouding my thoughts. I wanted to know what he was thinking, and it was just killing me. Kellin acting so distant is alien to me.

Knowing we'd have to classes together today made me unsure of how exactly we are to act. Do we sit away from each other? I guess so, I don't think I have much of a choice in that. And music, what do we do about the project? It'd due not too far away, what will happen with that now? And lunch? I just have no idea what to do anymore, and it's stressing me out!

In biology he sat away from me, and I mean far away. Unlike our usual seat at the back, which I got to first, he was all the way at the front in between two kids I doubt he's ever even talked to before. The whole time I was distracted by him, as usual. I just couldn't keep my eyes off him. He wasn't talking as he normally would, though he is usually only ever like that around me, and a few other friends. But despite all the people around he just looked lonely. I needed to talk to him.

I ripped off a small piece of paper from my book, writing the message "Are you okay, can we talk? x" on it, folding it a few times and writing his name on the front. I tapped the person in front of me's shoulder and asked them to pass it on to Kellin, going from hand to hand until it finally reached him, undetected by the teacher. He unfolded it, turning to me immediately, knowing easily it was me who wrote it. He just stared, showing no clues to what he was thinking with his eyes, before turning back away. I couldn't tell what he did with that note, did he rip it, scrunch it up, keep it? If I saw, at least I'd have more of a clue what he was thinking, rather than the emptiness which was all his eyes held.

Again at the end of the class, he was out of there and disappeared in the hall before I could get a chance to speak with him. But, I just have to keep reminding myself, this is for the best. At least he was doing it properly.

Walking to my locker, Oli turned up by my side again, only to speak of Kellin. "Kellin wants to know if you two are telling people you broke up."

I wasn't that sure myself what we'd be telling people, but that did make sense. I'd only say if someone asked though, and only if it was someone I didn't really know. I'd probably tell my friends what it really is. "I guess, but tell him he doesn't have to go out of his way to make it clear to people. And do you know if he's okay? He's been completely ignoring me."

"You said that was the point and all didn't you? So it'd look like you'd broken up" he asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, it all just feels strange, you know."