Mackenzie's Critique Shop

🌼 Rock Paper Scissors Stakes |IAmSophiaCielo

The last paragraph sort of rushed the blurb's pacing and diminished the tension in the first few paragraphs by simply telling the stakes.

Instead of this, you can make the 'Ngunit iba na ang isusugal (It's been adviced to use present tense in your blurbs) niya sa pagkakataong ito,' into a new paragraph. Branching off from that, you can start with the inciting incident.

Opening chapter. Absolutely beautiful! The descriptions, the overall setting, the dialogues, the mystery, the writing. Everything about the opening chapter is amazing. I also love that this incident made the other scene a couple of chapters after it much more tension filled. It was just really satisfying to see the build up to that moment when they're approaching her house, the place where, as witnessed in the first chapter, a very traumatic event happened in her life.

Aside from that, this whole opening scene really determined the vibe of the story, and you truly didn't disappoint with the atmosphere of your story. It was the right amount of dark, descriptive, and at times witty. It  reminds me of the webtoon Annarasumanara's art style just with less sentimental feel and more guns and blood. 10/10!

Characterization:

Given it still is ongoing with only 5 chapters, I'm honestly surprised at how fleshed out Victoria's backstory is. Not to mention the mystery of it all, this kind of mystery is the mystery that doesn't mess up your mind and confuse you to no end.

Other than her intriguing backstory, her personality is also evident. With only 5 chapter, you managed to introduce Victoria as a character. I'm not sure I can call her 3-dimensional or 'complete' yet, but the character is definitely there. You introduced her skeptical and rather pessimistic (realistic, maybe?) look on the world, her feelings were well translated on the page.

But Edison's character is also something nice. We still don't know much about him, but that's probably because we're still 5 chapters in after all. But nonetheless, I can already say Edison can become my favorite character as the story progresses more.

He's quite funny, and to be honest his and Victoria's interactions are something that's just so interesting. All in all I love the characters, the mystery around the characters, and the character interactions. It's very smooth, very natural, their conversation flows well and doesn't break pace or vibe and manages to entertain the readers. Great job!

Setting:

The setting! The setting goodness, is absolutely beautifully done. The writing plays a big part on setting and yours just elevated this aspect of the story. The way you described things and conveyed thoughts and scenes were just so consistent and admirable.

The vibes are there, and consistent all throughout even when they change places from time to time.

Conflict and plot:

As far as the story is at the moment, I think the plot points aren't really as defined as a fully constructed story. Probably brought on by the fact that you're pantsing this this time. And that's alright, I am a pantser too after all. But it did take me a couple retries and at the moment I'm going through the second revision of my book, so I'm sure you will go through that too.

Anyway, the inciting incident in Rock Paper Scissors Stakes wasn't shown. It's a curious structure, and I usually am not a fan of starting stories at the middle but this time...I think you really nailed it! The inciting incident despite having been omitted, or at least wasn't clear, (for mysterious purposes, I suppose), has been done right in this story.

But other than that, I don't really have much to say about the conflict and plot, I think it's very much alright as it is.

Pacing: