Loneliness

1. Kindergarten

My life was normal for some time. I had a few friends. I had a crush on a good friend. I was a cheerful child. Not a single thing wrong with me.

That's what I thought anyway. Anxiety. Loud Noises. Fear. Claustrophobia. And Rejection. From everyone who I liked. That was what happen soon in the year.

Normal life turned to well a normal life. I know its confusing. But I never really thought that all of that was abnormal. I was just oblivious to what I was doing. It was like I had a child like wonder to the world. The bell rings and I rush out to my mother arms with my Dora the Explorer backpack and my bright pink drink bottle.
"Mummy!!" I cheerfully scream hugging her legs.
"Hey Ally. You had fun today?" My mother chuckles. Holding her hand I nod with a wide grin.
"Yep!" Skipping along to the tune in my head we head off to the car.
Usually Mum would have parked her car out the very front of the school but today she parked at the way back. I didn't question why. Seeing my little brothers in the back made me smile wider. Waving to them theatrically, I see them wave back. Getting into my car and buckling into my booster seat. We drive off.

On the way home Lyndon is trying to say so much but all that's coming out is "Ba ba" and "boom". Hunter in asleep leaning his head on my shoulder and my youngest brother, Zenith is in his baby seat in the passenger side. Giggling as we play peek-a-boo. This is just a normal day for a normal girl with a normal childhood. Or so that it was. This was the beginning of something I would begin to hate.

End of year performance. Kindy Crew. Singing nursery rhymes. I hated it. Internally though. I had to wear pink. Wear a dress and I felt digusting. That was just a thought though. My mind just brushed it over. My mind was wired to think that pink is for girls. Dresses equal girls. And so on and so forth. We sing ba ba black sheep and monkeys jumping on the bed. End of performance.
That was it. That was the first year. Nothing too exciting I know. But that's how it is in the "normal" world, its normal. Holidays come around and then...