Crimson Blossom

Chapter 01 - Past

They're tacky things, memories. They trip us over and over again as we tangle and fall, trying to find the corner of this thread we call our soul. There's a point where it stops. His earliest memory was when he was five. A bare fleeting dream that fades like a puff of smoke. Sometimes he wondered if it was nothing but an imagined piece of delusion he had created to make sense of this existence. But he holds onto it just the same. Despite the doubt, the urge to have a starting point was comforting. So, he hangs onto it.

Shu vaguely remembers himself sitting on the front steps. Waiting for something or someone? He never figured it out. But what he did remember was how he plucked at a stray wild flower ; camellia to be precise. That's why Shu thought the memory was a piece of his imagination; the details were accurate, even too precise, if asked. The flower was a deep red, as if some artist took the time to sit by the flower and decided to colour it with their own blood. Shu liked the colour; red. But he preferred something softer, maybe pink.

He remembered rolling the flower upon his fingertips when he arrived. His straw hat was decorated with a criss-cross pattern, giving variety to the same, monotonous butterscotch colour he saw. He didn't walk past Shu and entered like the other men did. Many didn't give him any attention. It was what's behind him that interested people. Not his slight frame, and vulnerable eyes.

Shu was secretly glad ⸺ though later in his life he cursed the man for stopping, that someone paid attention to him. Being just a child he got scant attention. He wanted to be an adult, grow up and see why mother was always busy ⸺ again later in his life he wandered why he ever had such thoughts.

The man untied the knot holding the straw hat and gracefully slid it off of his head. Shu remembered watching carefully as his face came to light. The man; no older than his mother, was what they would call a handsome young man with a clear hairless face. His skin glowing in the fresh morning sun rays of the Spring ⸺ now thinking about it, it's most probably why he was outside that day. He used to love the morning of the Spring where the world was allowed a break from the cold wintery air. He liked how the sky looked clear blue and sometimes even shrouded with clouds like candy floss they sold at the sweet shop down in the town.

It was only when he leaned down Shu saw the colour of his eyes. It was the most curiously brilliant grey he had ever seen. He remembers staring for a long second at them, longing to ask the questions that crept into his mind one after another. But he kept his mouth shut, that's what he was told to do, he thought. The stranger bent down and smiled. His seemingly gentle face poured out nothing but kindness. Shu remembered his own shy smile. The way he warmed up to the man when he ruffled his milky white locks, still wet from his early morning shower.

In his mind Shu remembered his lips moving, but he didn't remember what the man said. All he knew was that suddenly mother was there behind him and the stranger tore his gaze from his younger self to the woman behind him. Shu stood by sheer impulse.

Another lesson; stand up when mother comes in.

The stranger smiled broadly at her that Shu thought his cheeks would split, like that prince in his fairytale book. But thankfully, they didn't and he kept talking with mom. Shu thought they forgot him and contemplated whether he should leave after all. He hovered around them for a second and decided to leave ⸺maybe he can catch a butterfly, or watch the Koi fish swimming among the lotus leaves.

When the man turned to him and clasped his shoulder, Shu stumbled forward by surprise. He hadn't forgotten him, he remembered thinking and this time he remembered the words he spoke clearly as the day. Because from that day onwards they haunted him. Tripped him over, destroyed him as a person.

"Your son is beautiful," He said, squeezing Shu's shoulder and smiling down at him. "Perhaps even more than you do." His tone was light, but at that time Shu didn't know he was joking. He was too young, too naive to understand. But he grabbed at the rare compliment and beamed oblivious to his mother standing beside him⸺ maybe his mother didn't realise he was joking too, maybe that's why everything spiralled out of control.

Then again, you cannot change the past, but Shu thought that was how it all started. That's how his seemingly boring life started to get interesting. That's when fairy tales turned to useless mantras he chanted to keep himself sane.

The man went by the evening, taking with him the peace Shu had ever known. Unknowingly ruining his life and destroying the crumbs of love he received from his mother till now. Still, Shu didn't blame him. He was just another stranger oblivious to the complications of human relationship and Shu was just another child oblivious to the cruelty of pain.

Shu often thinks about this incident, but to this day he was not quite sure whether that was the trigger. Because all he knows is that memories are tacky things. He can never be so sure.