The Vow

34

"Are you still ok?" Tanong ni Mommy habang pinipisil pisil yung kamay ko.

Nakatayo lang kami dito sa may entrance ng bahay habang nakatingin sa paligid.

Ang maliwanag na paligid na dala ng ilaw, pero madilim na lugar dahil sa aking mga karanasan.

Hinahayaan ko lang tumulo ang mga luha ko habang tinitignan ang paligid. Ang lugar na minsan kong naging tahanan pero naging lugar na aking kinatakutan.

"Walang pinagbago" sabi ko not caring about my voice cracking because of my tears.

"If hindi mo kaya, wag mo pilitin, Beka" sabi ni Kuya.

"I was once happy in this place, it was once a home, our home, until it became just a house where we gather. The happy home became a dull house, because of one mistake. That one fucking mistake that ruined my childhood" sabi ko na may diin.

"Sige lang anak, ilabas mo lang. Andito lang si Mommy" sabi ni Mommy.

"Ilabas mo lahat ng masamang karanasan mo sa bahay na to Beka. That might help you lessen your baggage. Andito kami, wag kang matakot, hindi ka namin pababayaan. Wala ng dapat ikatakot, Beka, malakas ka, at handa kaming maging lakas mo rin, malagpasan mo lang ito lahat" sabi ni Ate Gina at niyakap ako.

"Since we're here. Isa-isahin mo lahat ng sulok o lugar ng bahay na to na may masama kang karanasan, then afterwards tour us to places na naging masaya ka sa bahay na to, I'm sure there are some. Napuno man ng takot, may lugar parin na naging masaya ka naniniwala kami doon" sabi ni Eli.

His words made its way to my mind and automatic akong napatingin sa dating library namin dito. My feet seems like it has its own life and walked towards the library and opened it, a memory flashed on my mind.

"What happened here?" Tanong ni Eli.

He's acting like my psychiatrist right now, because of his voice, and seems like hypnotizing me to recall everything that happened in this room.

Kahit walang tigil ang tulo ng luha ko, I manage to speak.

"After what happened to me in Palawan. Pagkauwi namin from that tragic vacation, there was one time I heard her voice here, I was about to go here kasi dito ako lagi gumagawa ng homeworks. Pero natigilan ako, this room is a soundproof room, pero hindi nakasara ng maayos yung pinto that time. Dun na ko unang nakaramdam ng takot, I heard her talking on her phone and sinasabi sa kausap nya na humahanap lang sya ng tyempo para iwanan si Daddy, and she even plan to take me, iiwanan daw namin si Daddy, dadalhin nya daw ako dahil yung parents ni Daddy halos sa akin pinamana lahat ng dapat ipapamana kay Daddy noong namatay sila including this house. If she got me daw, pwede namin paalisin si Daddy dito at kami ang titira dito or ibebenta. Dun ako natakot, not because of her plan, but because of the question that pops in my mind 'Did she really love Daddy? Or she just married him because of money?' Yun yung tanong ko." Sabi ko habang umiiyak. "Dahil sa takot ko, hindi na ko tumuloy at bumalik nalang sa kwarto ko, yung mga damit ko noon, unti unti kong nilalagay sa maleta. Pati mga damit ni Daddy kapag nasa trabaho sila tapos tinatago ko sa kwarto ko yung maleta na yun"

"Anak" sabi ni Daddy at niyakap ako. "Hush, you're with me. Hindi sila nagtagumpay sa plano nila noon, nasa akin ka, yun ang mahalaga"

Pagkatapos namin dun, umakyat kami, dumiretso kami sa may guestroom at sinabi ko ang una kong nawitness doon na nagsesex sila, hanggang sa umabot kami sa master's bedroom sa room nila Daddy noon, kung saan nila pinagpapatuloy na gawin yun habang nasa work si Daddy at buntis na sya noon.

Nang umabot kami sa room door ko, nakatingin lang ako sa door knob, iniisip ko kung bubuksan ko o hindi.

"If hindi mo pa kaya, we can back-out and just come back kapag kaya mo na" sabi ni Eli.