A Craptastic Collection of Absolutely Stellar Stories

Stevemattitha's Inspiration

     As Looper scurried off to the nearest lake, Wire scrambled and rolled and rattled back into the maze. As he tumbled through the corn to get to the tunnel entrance at the center of the maze, he saw someone at a corner in the path jumping straight up and down to try and see if they could make it through the corn to another path. Eventually they stopped jumping and just stood still, looking at their phone. They didn't know that Zardy was right behind them. They were one of those weird people that don't exist, so it didn't matter. Wire kept going and reached the center of the maze as his brother(?) Stevemattitha climbed out of the entrance to the tunnel.

     Stevemattitha was almost a Pumpkin Jack, but also completely different. He had the same face that all the Pumpkin Jacks did, but his head was more disc-like than the Pumpkin Jacks' almost spherical heads. Instead of wearing the exact same brown, patched-up shirt with brown pants and a brown witch hat every day, Stevemattitha had one of those closets that's big enough to be a bedroom and he filled it with every color and style of clothing he could find. Today he was wearing his favorite maid dress because maid dress. He was really only Wire's brother in that he also was a demented version of a Zardy's Maze character.

     "EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE?" Wire asked.

     "Yeah. This whole place gets boring really quickly. Zardy's really just a sentient bag so he obviously wouldn't need a lot of stuff, but holy shit you'd think he'd have a Switch or wifi or a tv. All he's got in that little house is a crossword puzzle someone solved months ago and some basic furniture. There's a bowl on the table for some reason with nothing in it but dust. It's glued to the table!" Stevemattitha liked to visit Zardy's Maze, but only because his buddy chum pal chum amigo homeslice breadslice Wire lived there and without Wire the place would be unbearably boring.

     "EHEHEHEHEHE?" Wire asked.

     "I don't know. I just have to go somewhere other than here. Somewhere interesting with people who do things other than murdering people. I feel like being productive today." Stevemattitha frequently had days like these, where he felt like he needed to make something or accomplish something big. The problem was always figuring out what he wanted to do before the inspiration evaporated.  Today he felt like going on an adventure and discovering something new, and he knew exactly who he'd want to bring along.

     He sprinted to the train station and preemptively screamed in anguish when he saw that the only train left to take him back to Crossover City until 12:25 next Thursday (it was Friday) was the dreaded Boris Train. The train who had been semi-eternally bound to the tracks for his t r a i n     c r i m e s. The limits of the tracks added an extra hour to the trip.

     Reluctantly he stepped into Boris Train's smoke-filled cabin and prepared for 70 minutes of trying to stay out of the way of Tricky and Hank's attacks. It was an agonizing experience and he was hit by several of their anime final battle attacks. The kind of attacks that come after a whole episode of flashbacks. He was severely wounded and he only survived the miserable ride because of his Main Character Armor. By the time Boris Train pulled into the Crossover City train station the sun had already bukaked orange and pink and red onto the inky black sky.

     Before he could go visit his friend to invite him along on the adventure, he had to figure out what the adventure would be. He went home, threw the muddy and torn maid dress in the wash, put on a denim jacket with a yellow miniskirt and neon green lace stockings, and started researching legends and myths and anomalocaris (he's very distractible). Butane ignite, fence maintain, man manager.

     After only an hour he found the perfect legend to search for: the Creation Tablet. A stone block so full of creative potential that it can bring any person's ideas to life even if they are incomplete. The tablet analyzes the person's past creations and uses its mastery of pastiche to fill in the missing parts of the idea. With this kind of power comes the ability to alter reality itself: someone could design solutions to every conflict or create beings that could destroy the world. Even worse, they could insert crappy, low-effort OCs into worlds that don't need them and create half-assed stories full of obscure references. Only the most demented freak would do that.