Splatoon 2: Into the Light

Day 36: The Final Battle

When Cap'n and I finally emerged from the depths of the metro, Agent 3 curled up in my arms—man he was heavy—I saw the sun for the very first time, rising over Inkopolis in the east and reflecting off the water. Day thirty-six had arrived.

I couldn't tell if the new warmth I was feeling was the sun or Agent 3's fever. The wind whipping across the water was cold, and surely was soothing against the fever, but my bare arms and stomach were not having it.

"Eight..." Pearl's voice echoed from above somewhere. Agent 3 suddenly became too heavy to hold, and I was forced to sink to my knees just to keep myself upright. "EIGHT! WE GOT YOU!" Pearl exclaimed, and I finally noticed the fleet of helicopters coming our way.

The helicopter carrying Pearl and Marina hovered close to the platform we exited onto and allowed us to climb aboard a platform hanging below the chopper. Cap'n and Pearl almost immediately launched into a rap-session, which was kinda cool to listen to, but I was too focused on calming myself down and caring for my own bleeding wounds. The scabs on my back had opened up from the hit and carrying Agent 3; to say they were painful would be an understatement. Given enough time, they would heal over, but it seemed I wouldn't be getting that time just yet.

"Ummm... guys?" Marina asked, pointing down toward the platform, which was now rising from the ocean like some kind of futuristic seabase. "You all seeing this?!"

"What... is... THAT?!" Pearl exclaimed.

"That form..." Cap'n muttered, "but they were destroyed centuries ago... It's... HUMAN!" He took a closer look. "Huh? Not that phone again..."

"TARTAR IN DA HOUSE!"

What...

"[Zzzrt... Disabling Contemporary Speech Mode...] I am TARTAR, an AI construct created 12,000 years ago by a brilliant professor. My prime directive is to pass humanity's vast knowledge on to the next worthy lifeform. When your kind became self-aware, I hoped that my long wait was finally over. But as I observed your evolution, I WAS DISGUSTED! You wage war over minor genetic deviations. You obsess over trivial fashion choices. And so I created a new prime directive: destroy this world and start anew! From the best and brightest test subjects, I created a sludge of supreme DNA. A primordial ooze from which the ultimate lifeform will emerge. Today is the day my vision becomes reality, as I destroy Inkopolis and everyone in it!"

"That's unnerving..." I said. I then thought for a moment and added, "And to our credit... HUMANS DID THE SAME COD-DAMN THING FOR THEIR ENTIRE EXISTENCE IF I'VE GOT MY HISTORY RIGHT!!!! Inklings and Octolings have archeological evidence of war waged between Human races, and even paper records with readable writing documenting these events, you useless Telephone!"

My words did very little to curb the AI's opinion, as the statue that rose from the sea beneath the platform opened its mouth and deployed a huge cannon aimed directly for Inkopolis. If we couldn't do something the entire city, even life as we knew it, could be wiped out in an instant!

"Yo... WHAT DA HEKK IS DAT?!" Pearl exclaimed.

Marina whipped out her laptop and ran some scans. "Give me a moment, I'm analyzing it!...... I'm picking up a massive energy field emanating from the statue."

"That doesn't sound good..."

"No, it's not good. It appears to be absorbing sunlight and converting it into usable energy to charge the weapon. If that thing charges fully the weapon will fire, destroying the entire world and everyone on it!"

"HOW DO WE STOP IT?!?!?!"

"If we cover the statue in ink the ink should be opaque enough to stop the statue from charging."