the choice • charlie conway

chapter seven

sadie

I think it's pretty safe to say that I've had mine and Charlie's date on my mind all day. I've barely paid attention in class, because each second just seems to drag on longer than the last.

The reason why I'm so excited is because me and Charlie haven't had a proper date since the summer, because of the start of school and sports.

Although I'm somehow able to get away with not paying attention in class, I can't seem to snap myself out of it for practice. My passes are sloppy, my shots are weak, and I look like I've never played a day of soccer in my life.

I know everyone has off days sometimes. It's normal, and it's a part of life. But I'm used to perfection, because I expect it from myself. I know I can get there if I work hard enough, so when I mess up due to something that could've been so easily avoided, I break down.

I'm used to bottling up my emotions, and I think part of it is because I'm an older sibling. After my sister was born, I learned how to not ask for help, because I didn't want to be a burden.

It really sucked to push my parents away and insist I was fine. My sister was a preemie and had a lot of health scares when she was born, so I didn't want to make any more work for my parents by raising my issues that didn't seem so big anymore.

Over time, my isolation and the increasing feelings to be perfect grew. I figured if I was perfect, my parents wouldn't need to worry about me. It's definitely ruined my relationship with my parents, and there isn't a day that goes by where I don't regret pushing them away like I have.

My point is, I've felt this way for so long and have bottled my emotions for so long, that I let this off day get to me.

During our first water break, I give myself a few slaps on my head to try and get myself in the right headspace. That clearly doesn't work, and it makes me even more frustrated. When practice is over, I throw my water bottle in my bag and storm off to the dorm, not even bothering to wait for Ella and Morgan.

When I get to our dorm, I immediately go into the bathroom and take a long, hot shower. Practice ran a little long today since we have a game tomorrow, and it's already after six by the time I finally get out of the shower. I throw on some sweats and text Charlie to confirm our study date, but by the time seven rolls around, I still haven't heard a word from him.

I try to shake off the rising feelings of disappointment by cleaning my side of the dorm and doing some homework. I put Gossip Girl on in the background to serve as a distraction, but I eventually have to turn it off because it was making me too distracted.

I'm able to finish my rough draft for my English essay, and I actually finish my math pages without stopping to do something else. I check my phone and see that it is only seven-fifteen. I still have other homework to do, so I might as well do that.

As I start to take out my history textbook so I can start my reading, someone starts knocking on the door. I'm the only one in here, Ella has a doctor's appointment and Morgan went to the library to study for her Spanish test, so it could honestly be anyone but them.

When I open the door, Connie is standing there with a worried expression on her face.

"Thank goodness you answered, we thought you were dead."

I hold back a laugh and raise my eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

This time, she is the one to raise her eyebrows. "You haven't read any of the texts we've sent you?"