The Guest | F. Darcy

Chapter 6: In Vain Have I Struggled

That evening, Mr Collins noticing how truly unwell Adele looked, did not press her to Rosings but also offered that Elizabeth stays with her. Elizabeth too looked worried but chose not to say when her sister weakly dismissed all inquiries and softly asked her to leave her to herself Elizabeth had chosen to go to the room, to read and have some time to herself, still worrying about her sister. Adele was returning to her old self.

All alone at the parlour, Adele sighed as she looked at the letter in her hand, feeling nothing but a pang of regret, pain, sadness and anger. 

She was going to dare. She was going to confess her love for Fitzwilliam Darcy, the man responsible for her sister's pain and the man who had held her heart for most of their lifetime and crushed it on as many chances he got. Adele sighed again and felt her headache alongside her heart at all the thinking she did. She was sure, however, of one thing. She was not ready to face the man.

She decided to write to Jane. Though she was going to take the information about Mr Darcy being the cause to her grave, she still missed her sister and worried about her. Jane's heartache was deeper than any of them had anticipated (Mrs Bennet was the cause of most of it) and, unfortunately, Adele could empathize. She had heard her own heart breaking with every word Richard had said and lord knows, she was numb to the majority of it. Jane was still new to the ache.

Her reverie was broken by the sound of the doorbell and her heart fell a little at ease by the idea of its being Richard, she needed a little time with the man. She needed to tell him what his cousin had done. Truly, Richard was the only person because of whom she hadn't told Elizabeth about the situation. The man was held in high regard in her sister's eyes. Maybe he had come to propose for Elizabeth's hand in marriage.

But this idea was soon banished, and her spirits were very differently affected, when, to her utter amazement, she saw Mr Darcy walk into the room. Impatiently, he immediately began an enquiry after her health, imputing his visit to a wish of hearing that she was better. She answered him with cold civility, which went unnoticed. He sat down for a few moments, and then getting up walked about the room. Adele was surprised but said not a word. After a silence of several minutes, he came towards her in an agitated manner, and thus began:—

"In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you."

Adele's astonishment was beyond expression. She stared, coloured, doubted, and was silent but only for a moment. 

Before Darcy could utter another word, she silenced him. 

"Stop, please," her voice was rough with pain and her only deepest of wishes being a nightmare now. "I- You cannot do that."

He looked confused. He genuinely did. Her brows furrowed, a small glow of sympathy rose and died in her heart when she remembered what he did.

"Tell me, Mr Darcy. Do you enjoy being hypocritical?"

"I beg your pardon," he replied baffled. Darcy tried, in vain, to read her. But he couldn't find anything besides disdain and coldness in her gaze. He felt a sharp pang, realizing she was shielding herself again. That, this woman in front of him was not Addie, the woman he walked with and shared smiles with. She was the withdrawn Ms Adele Bennet of Longbourn. He, somehow, felt he was responsible for the change, but did not seem to recollect what his actions prompted it.

"Do you truly want to shackle yourself in the inconveniences of an imprudent marriage with the same family you just saved your dearest friend from?" 

His heart froze. He recollected saying something along the same lines to Fitzwilliam in the bout of half-drunken confessions when he tried to justify his actions and forget about the pain it must have caused Adele.

"Adele, I-"

"Tell me, do you truly want the money-monger mother-in-law and silly sisters that you just stopped your friend from associating with?"

He did not speak. 

"You snatched away my sister's happiness and caused her as much heartache as you have caused your friend. Can you deny what you have done, Mr Darcy?"

"I have no wish of denying that I did everything in my power to separate my friend from your sister, or that I rejoice in my success. Towards him, I have been kinder than towards myself."

Adele disdained the appearance of noticing this civil reflection, but its meaning did not escape, nor was it likely to conciliate her. Her eyes were watered with emotions that did not escape the gentleman's notice. 

"Thank goodness," she whispered too loudly to herself. "You just saved me a heartache, Mr Darcy. I truly don't know what would have happened, if I had been the one declaring my love for you and telling you just how ruined a woman I am."

He was startled at this. At the high resignation in her eyes and the way, her hand clutched over her heart as if protecting it as well as hurting it.

"Tell me, Mr Darcy, would anything in the world have prompted you to take along with the money-monger mother and silly sisters, a woman, ruined by your old childhood friend, as your wife?"