A Brand New Day

Chapter 38

Demi's pov
Nick goes to the door as I watch Meadow. She ate a lot of crap and now has been trying to go the bathroom. Which obviously Nick and I aren't allowing. Cassandra comes in and joins us in the dinning room. "This is different than when I left." She states.
"What?" Nick asks.
"Meadow, she's pissed." Cassandra says with a smile. I glare at her confused. "So, what's going on?" She asks.
I stand up remembering River hasn't eaten this morning. I grab her yogurt from the fridge and hand it to her. She stares at eat while Meadow stares at her. "You're right Meadow's pissed," I sigh, "River eat."
She just nods. "She cut yesterday, I confronted them both about it. I showed them all my scars and told them the stories behind them." I say.
"Okay, what was their reaction?"
"I'm done. I don't ever want to explain my scars to my kids." River says playing with her yogurt.
"Eat." I whisper to her.
"River, really seems to have taken it in. She's given me all her razors, I know all of her hiding spots, I think." Nick says.
"Way to go princess." Meadow mumbles holding her glare on River.
"But Meadow, from what she says does not care. And frankly, she's freaking us out."
"Why is she freaking you out?" Cassandra asks.
"Because..." Nick and I sat together and sigh. "Go head." I tell him.
"Because, four days ago I had a happy, bubbly, silly, loving girl."
"And now?"
"She's like me." I whisper. I'm still watching River play with her yogurt. "She's dark and twisty. We've never seen this side of her. Every time I've tried to talk it's like talking to a brick wall. If she does reply it's snarky and sarcastic. She's eating everything "because she can." And that's not okay and when we bring it up, she just runs outback to a tree and climbs it. She sits up there and eats everything and throws the trash down and then stares at us with this grin."
"Wow, Meadow, why are you doing this?"
"Because I can." Meadow snaps.
Cassandra smiles, "but why? We completely understand you are eating everything—"
"We do?" I asked raising an eyebrow.
"Yes, it's one of the things she can control right now. How and what she eats she's in control of that. We can understand that... right?" Nick and I nod. "What we don't know yet is the purpose. What does eating everything you can do for you at this time?" Meadow just stares at her.
Which is stressing me out. I suddenly have the urge to puke, so I run to the bathroom. As I turn to leave River comes in and she looks like she's going to puke. "Riv, come on."
"I don't want to do this." She whispers to me with puppy dog eyes.
"I know, it's going to suck but I'll be there."
"No!" She screams shaking.
"I'm going to sit with you. You don't have a choice. Now let's go back to the dinning room. You still need to eat."
"I can't, I'm trying but I just can't."
"Okay." I whisper trying to keep myself calm. "Calm down. I didn't want to talk about anything either. But you have to, otherwise—" I take a deep breath, "otherwise, you'll just keep going through this whole thing again. You have to do this." She nods but she looks completely defeated. I take her hand and practically drag her down the hallway. But stop when I hear Meadow talking.
"It's just... it's all about River all the time."
I stop and  grab River and look at her, she can hear Meadow too. I whisper, "go to the office and close the door. I want you to write down everything you remember from that day. Okay, please you can do it." She nods.
I watch River walk past the kitchen to the office and close the door. Then I walk in the kitchen. "You know she's had all these really bad things happen but she is strong enough to put them behind her. But she has like these freak out. So everyone's always so worried about her." Meadow continues with her head down on the table. Nick and Cassandra are listening intently. "Before, when it was just us. I was the one who always looked after her during her freak outs, when she stopped talking no one but me was there to help her. Then she ditched me for months, and she just like comes in, like some fuckin' superhero, rescues me, brings me to this family and then forgets about me because she's popular with a family and a boyfriend. So, I just went numb and I wanted to feel something and the only thing that makes me feel anything is food."
She whimpers silently. Immediately, I want to just hold her in my lap. I open my mouth but Cassandra shakes her head at me. "How does food make you feel?" Cassandra whispers.
Nick grabs my hand giving it a squeeze because we both already know what she's going to say, "fat. But then when I throw up I feel happy it feels good to get it all out. So, I just keep doing it over and over." She cries to her self. Nick moves a couple of seats and rubs her back, silently. As I follow his lead. She continues. "Meredith, she—" she stops and he body shakes with sobs.
"It's okay." I whisper.
"She wouldn't let us eat. So, I would sneak things. I used to hide it so she wouldn't know. She said I was fat. That fat kids don't need to eat. But sometimes she would make me eat until I threw up. Then it was just something that I did because it felt good to have a full tummy then suddenly have an empty one all in a matter of minutes."
"Can I ask a question?" I whisper. Cassandra nods, "when did you start doing all of this?"
"When school started. I was so nervous. I'm not shy but I just couldn't be me. The first day everyone was talking about their amazing summer break. I was the new kid who didn't have an amazing summer break. Because I was so quiet ms. Johnson, keep me under her thumb and I became the favorite. Which I didn't want. Then, mom and dad left. Those girls were being mean and Maddie was being mean. So..."
"So, you lost control and trying to get it back the only way you knew how."
"Meadow, what do you mean by just be me?" Nick asks.
"I just..." she sighs, "I don't know." She whispers.
"Who were you before you came to us?" I ask.
"I don't know."
"So, that's something you need to figure out." Cassandra says, "Meadow, I want you to start writing down 10 things you like and why and 10 things you don't like and why."
Meadow sighs, "I don't like you." Meadow whispers under her breath.
Cassandra smiles, "you don't have to, write down why you don't like me and we'll go over it on Wednesday. Whether you like me or not —"
"Daddy!" River screams sobbing.
Cassandra nods to Nick and continues talking to Meadow, "I'm going to be here to help. Sometimes people don't like the things they need. You can not hurt my feelings." She says holding Meadow's glare, "you can't freak me out. Just like your parents I'm here until you don't need me. I'm not going anywhere. So, please say what you need to. I think you telling me you don't like me might be the most honest you've been this whole time."
"Are you calling me a liar?"
"No, I'm calling you an omitter. You leave details out. But I'm going to gather those details and confront you with them. You're not going to like it, but I —"
"I don't want to do this." River screams.
"Don't care. Anything else you would like to get off your chest?"
"No." Meadow snaps.
"Any questions you have for me from Saturday?"
"No."
"Where's your journal?"
"My room."
"Demi, will you go get it? I'll watch her." I nod. I get up and hustle upstairs trying to ignore sobs coming from the office. I grab Meadow's, journal and take it back down to her. "Okay, that's one thing we've conquered now let's go conquer River." Cassandra says.
I nod, "can I just give you a rundown of what we have to do today?"
"Yeah."
Meadow stands to leave, "where are you going?" I ask as I grab her arm.
"My room." She mumbles.
"Sit down." I whisper.
"Fuck off." She snaps ripping her arm from me.
She tries to move past me but I grab her by the shoulders, "I'm done. You will not speak to me like that." I practically growl.
"Or what?" She snaps, frozen. But thaws quickly, "You've already taken everything from me. So what are you going to do? You're not my mom."
I gasp.
"Meadow, reset." Cassandra says, "step out back, relax."
"She's not my mom." Meadow sways looking at Cassandra.
"What the hell am I supposed to do with that?" I snap as meadow walks away slamming the back door.
"Demi—"
"