Accolade

chapitre trois

"It's gonna be okay," Lucy sobbed quietly, she held onto my shaking shoulders with trembling fingers, and our tears fell in synchronization, "It might look bleak now, but you're going to be okay, Aida. I just know it," She tried her best to console me, "I know it."  

I could only form one thought.

Why do stars fall?

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I was discharged from the hospital when my condition was stable once more. For how long? No one knew. Dr. Welch had only discharged me under certain terms, and I had to uphold them when I got home. For some reason, I dragged my feet. 

Lucy offered to walk with me. 

I had turned her down. 

I wished I hadn't when I turned the block onto my street and found the crowd of paparazzi. They must have heard something happened, that I had been hospitalized. They took notice of me quickly, and I didn't even have the chance to run. 

I couldn't deal with them right now. 

"Aida! Aida Valievo!"

"Here! Over here, Ms. Valievo!"

Camera flashes blinded me from every direction. I blinked rapidly, trying to focus on walking forward. I couldn't even form words, I was still in shock from my diagnosis. I was by no means ready to make an announcement to the press, even if through the paparazzi.

I was quickly overwhelmed.

They wouldn't stop shouting. My head hurt, my vision spun.

"They said you fell yesterday, why? What caused this? Why were you hospitalized?"

"Aida, will you continue dancing? Can we expect you on Broadway in just two weeks time?"

I felt trapped, frightened. They say that your fight or flight instinct kicks in when your mind rationalizes danger over all else, and mine didn't. I was frozen, I couldn't have ran if I wanted to. Cement blocks were shackled to my ankles, reality being shoved in my face just as the microphones waiting for answers.

Suddenly, I felt someone's firm hand fall on my shoulder. I instinctually jumped and spun. The paparazzi had never placed their hands on me before, but right now they seemed to be wild animals, and I wouldn't put it past them. 

I exhaled when I only saw Anton.

He didn't say anything, which was okay because I wouldn't have been able to hear him over the shouting crowd. His head tilted towards the apartment complex, and he gently pulled my shoulder. I accepted his offer. He was a formidable wall against the crowd, I felt small as I trailed behind him, though he never dropped his hand from my shoulder. I was slightly tucked into his side.

I felt like closing my eyes and screaming until the entire world fell to silence. My head throbbed, my throat burned, and I knew I wanted to cry until my heart broke.

This was too much.

Anton pushed open the door to the apartment complex and let go of me. I stumbled into the silence of the lobby, it felt awkward and strange compared to the chaos outside. Anton turned back and locked the doors so that no one could enter behind us.

"Thank you, Anton," I told him shakily. Only then did I realize how much my hands were trembling, the anxiety washed over me just as harshly as the emotion. I needed to be alone, and not four feet from the cameras glued to my face.

There was no privacy when people knew your name.

Anton only nodded at my thanks.

I took that as my chance to retreat. I hugged myself and made for the elevator. In the back of my mind, I had decided a verbal thanks wasn't enough. I would buy Anton food for his long shifts protecting the complex from intruders. He deserved as much. I didn't know who worked the night shift, I'd only met Anton.

I released a shaky breath that was all too short and panic-ridden when the elevator doors closed. It was a small moment of privacy I hadn't had since the hospital. My normal life felt like ages ago, and this present moment felt too unrealistic to exist.

By the time the elevator reached the fourth floor and dinged, I was crying.

I rushed inside my apartment and made it no further than the front door before I crumbled to the ground and sobbed. Everything I'd felt came to the surface in agonizing waves that tore my heart to pieces.

Why me?

What did I do to deserve this?

I spent minutes, hours even, crying on my floor. I had created a puddle that my cheek now rested in. I felt drained of all my energy, though tears still managed to burn down my cheeks. It felt raw and painful now that I had cried long enough. I only managed to peel myself off the floor when I heard my phone buzzing.

It was Lucy.

I texted her back and let her know I had made it home. She said she saw the news and she shouldn't have let me go alone. It was fine. I wasn't planning to leave my apartment for the rest of the day, or tomorrow. I needed to process what had happened in so little time.

Then, I stared at the phone in my hands.

I had to call them.

They might have seen it on the news, but I had to tell them what was really going on. Dr. Welch said I had to because living alone wasn't a safe option anymore, any fall would produce inherent risk, and he prescribed me a medication for the pain. Those were his terms for discharging me, instead of waiting for family to arrive at the hospital. 

I felt like the impending phone call was the hardest thing I've ever done because no bad news was easy to deliver. 

My three older brothers were my only remaining family, and as much as I hated to burden them with myself, I had no one else. Lucy was my best friend but she also had a demanding career, she couldn't be here when I needed her every day.

I didn't even know if they would come. We hadn't seen each other in three years. I kept tabs on each of them through the news, on their businesses and newest successes, as I'm sure they heard of me from time to time--but we lived in four different cities. 

Would they even care?

Exhaling long and hard, I dialed my oldest brother.

He picked up on the fourth ring.

"Hey, it's me."

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How do you feel? Thoughts?

I haven't decided in which order we will meet her older brothers, but there's three. I already have so many scenes written between all of them, waiting to be stitched into the plot for you to read.