Forget Me Not

Chapter Eighteen

Everything ounce of common sense in him was telling him to stop wasting his time. But he'd learnt some valuable lessons. Nothing happened if he didn't try, regret could consume a human being from the inside out without leaving a mark and Mew knew Korn would tell him to get lost if he really didn't want anything to do with him.

Telling him he deserved better was a cop-out. But a cop-out of what?
That's what he wanted to find out.

~

Korn was torn between feeling ambushed and feeling grateful. Mew showing up unannounced wasn't on his list of possibilities. Yet, once he was standing right in front of him, Korn was glad he didn't have to be alone.

These and a thousand other thoughts were rushing through his head. They were all stopped in their tracks when he noticed the silver medallion dangling from the chain around Mew's neck. He was trying not to let that small thing hook into his heart. It brought back a rush of memories—good and bad—shaking him.

Korn could remember giving Mew the medallion as a gift. The thank-you that had followed had cemented their growing feelings and what they had meant to each other. Later, when they'd met again, seeing it had proven it still had that power over him.

He'd been able to walk away only because of Knock. Their past had seemed like a long time ago. Yet here they were, together again. And Knock had moved on.

Korn knew he was vulnerable. It was not the time to have a case of transference. But the medallion made it easy to remember that they'd had some good times. They weren't that far in the past that he couldn't remember the ease of sleeping next to Mew and having it mean nothing more than the need to rest. (Not when he'd reaffirmed the memory so recently despite his every intention not to.)

"Why wouldn't I deserve someone like you?" Mew asked him pulling him out of his thoughts.

Korn wasn't sure how to answer that question. His perspective had shifted enough that he wasn't sure where he stood. It still made sense. Mew could—and would—find someone who loved him wholeheartedly. But there were consequences of that and Korn was only beginning to understand what they might feel like.

"Are you telling me that you can't love me wholeheartedly or that you aren't willing to try? Those aren't the same thing," he said calmly.

Korn was tempted to throw his hands up in the air in defeat. "We've already fucked up twice."

"Then we can finally get it right the third time," Mew said flippantly.

"Third time lucky?" He said with a wry smile.

"Something like that. But this is about more than taking a chance. If you don't want it, it doesn't matter what I do. You'll find a reason to walk away," he said and Korn couldn't fault his logic. "I think that has more to do with how you see yourself. The poison you've been feeding yourself over what happened in the last year.

"That doesn't have anything to do with who we are to each other right now, who we were in the past or what we can be in the future."

There was a heavy silence around them as Korn absorbed what Mew had said. Korn hadn't believed his feelings of shame and guilt could get the better of him. He didn't think he would behave so badly because of it. But he'd failed at the one thing he'd been so sure he could never fuck up; how could he succeed when he wasn't even sure of what he felt for Mew?

"I thought I was stronger," Korn said softly.

He didn't have to speak any louder. Mew turned to face him, staying just out of reach but giving him all his attention.

"I thought I would never be tempted or even look at someone else. I remember being so mad at you and thinking I would never put someone through that, no matter how much I hated them. But I went and did it anyway—to someone I loved. What does that say about me?"