A thousand bad times - Post Malone

Twenty

Holi is happy though that although Austin made it clear that he would never let Holi be around Mac and Bell while she is not clean, he has chosen to be honest with Mac and tell him what's going on with her, he is strong enough to handle it. "I know my mom, Austin. Nothing will keep her down and nothing will keep her away from me or Bell for much longer. I know she will get better soon. I just know it. I am not even worried," Mac says. Austin lets out a laugh and agrees with Mac. Mac then tells Austin about football tryouts after school and they speak about what he can do to best improve his game...it's so normal.

Then she hears Bell's voice, she is not on for long and does not say much. Austin does most of the talking and she just giggles or says the odd yes and no, but it's when Austin says goodbye to her that's when Holi finds she can not hold back her tears, and even though her eyes are still closed the tears escape and soak her pillow under her arm.

"Goodbye my little love," Austin says sweetly, Bell responds with a giggle and says, "I love you." Holi can hear the pure joy in Austin's voice when he says it back to her. Her little Bell is finally in a world where she will never have to question who loves her because she is now given love freely by everyone around her. She deserves every ounce of it - beautiful little Bell.

She hears Austin shifting and then he is gently gathering her up in his arms again. Her cheeks are wet so it's no surprise when Austin says her name, "Holi?" Holi opens her eyes blinking the last of her tears away. Austin watches her for a moment his stare filled with hope and a little caution. Holi gives him a little smile, "hi," she whispers.

Austin pulls her in tighter and kisses her. His kiss gives her butterflies and makes her toes curl. Fuck, how did she ever think she could survive without him. The heroin had helped, giving her what she most desired, which is Austin and they made him seem so real that when the real Austin showed up she mistook him for just another hallucination. But right now with his lips on hers, there is no mistaking. He is here.

He eventually breaks the kiss and then looks at Holi with a stern face, "don't ever do that again, Holiday. I mean it. Don't you ever disappear on me like that again. Promise me," he says. Guilt tumbles around in her belly, he is looking at her with a stern face but she can see the fear behind her eyes. She hates that she scared him so much. She opens her mouth ready to promise him and pledge that she will never leave but her heart stops when reality steps in.

She can not promise that not while Chuck is out there. He will find her again and take her away, and she will let him if it means protecting Austin and keeping Mac safe. Holi would not even be surprised when Chuck shows up with a plan to include Bell's demise too. No, she can't promise him. What she needs to do is come up with a plan to slip away again and find Chuck so he will stay away from her family.

"I can't," she says. Austin looks at her in confusion, "tell me why," he demands softly. Holi has no fight left in her to come up with a valid reason other than the truth. Austin will of course refuse her reason and tell her that he will keep her safe and not to worry about Chuck, but the fact of the matter is that this is not about keeping Holi safe, this is about keeping him safe - Chuck will ruin his life.  She is just going to tell Austin the truth and ignore his protests when she leaves.

"Chuck."

"You do not have to worry about Chuck, Holi."

"Austin, you don't understand. He was going to ruin you, hurt Mac. He won't give up. He is insane."

"No."

"Austin, I am trying to keep you safe. Chuck is -"

"Holiday. Hush. Listen to me...He is not a problem any longer."

Holi frowns at Austin, what is he trying to say? She lets his words sink in. How can he be so sure that Chuck will never be a problem again?
He says it with such surety though. But he is wrong, Chuck will always be a problem unless he is... Holi's eyes widen when she realizes why Austin is so sure. She should be a little worried, a little scared even but she is not - she only feels relief. No more demons chasing after her, how can she not feel relief.