He calls me Angel

42. Trapped In A Maze

"What about Matteo?"

"Matteo can find us later. Maybe he's still by the shore with the other guys."

The plan was, to do the maze in two groups; me and Matteo, vs. Stella and Markus. But Matteo was nowhere to be found. In fact, looking back at all the moments we shared together, he was barely there.

Instead of letting disappointment wash over me, I took Stella's hand, rushing me in beside her, our flip-flops scraping against the dirt-path, with every step through the dark maze.

It was after hours, almost midnight, and we were the last ones to enter. We rushed over here after we heard they were taking the maze down the next day, since the festival was over. We couldn't let that happen. So instead, with saltwater still drying on our skin after our night-swim, we took it upon ourselves to finish this final challenge.

With or without Matteo.

I didn't know if it was the leaves casting dark shadows around us, or the ominous sound of the wind howling through the branches, but with every step I took, a heavy feeling was settling inside my gut.

Maybe it was the guilt, that I did this without him, like all the things I proceeded on doing when he was not present.

Like all the things he wanted me to do, the things he wanted from me, and I still couldn't give him.

The guilt settled like a heavy stone, crushing me from the inside.

I hated this.

I hated this so much. I hated the feeling of being trapped so deep inside my head, hated knowing his reaction would be unforgiving and all too consuming.

I hated this maze.

But just after another turn, everything became clearer.

Because after that step, there he was; Matteo, in the flesh, pressing his skin against another's.

Another step was all I needed to be broken down, into a million tiny pieces, but ultimately freed.

What followed was still a blur. I remember Markus landing punches on Matteo, and Stella trying to pull him away from him. But I was still frozen in place.

It was only when his eyes found mine, that I run as fast as I could. That last look was my goodbye to him, and after that I fled.

I didn't know how I managed to get out of that maze, but after scraping my arms on branches a couple of times, I fell to my knees relieved I was finally out of that nightmare. I still had the scars on my knees to prove it.

The fact still remained, though.

I hated anything depicting a maze.

And I fucking hated whatever this club-maze was trying to prove.

Because the moment I was distracted, I lost Viviana King, and with her, my only way out.

I had no idea where I was.

Back at seventeen, I felt hopeless and alone, in need of saving. Stella and Markus rushed to be my shining knights, stopping me from only ever eating pasta, avoiding the rest of the world as I hid behind piles and piles of med-books.

I was grateful for their interventions as I worked hard during that first year of med-school, while still healing myself. Baking my sorrows away helped immensely as well.

But tonight, I was damn thankful they were nowhere near this place.