three rooms | nathan gardner

XII

Warnings: smut, swearing
Word count: 2200

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It was cold. 
I vividly remember the cold air sucking my lifeblood out when I realized I was lost in the woods. The figure kept calling me, and the more it called me, the more I heard the sound of the waves getting close. I looked around scared, as if a huge wave was going to wash me away at any moment; in reality I was alone in the middle of the woods under the rain, and hours had passed, or at least I thought: I had lost the conception of time. 

«Are you my… my…» I tried to associate the ghost’s voice with a familiar face, but my memory kept showing me blurred images, maybe
a blond woman?

Why was I following my hallucination in the first place? 

Perhaps to kill that wild and sick desire of wanting to reduce myself to a simple painkiller for my hateful professor. There wouldn't have been much difference with the efforts I made during college to meet his expectations, this time around there was just an unresolved sexual tension between us.
I felt that repulsive wish to make his life lighter, as if mine was worth nothing.
 
But what was my life’s worth, really? 

I was just a student full of problems and probably disorders. An obsessive addict.

By now I was ignoring that figure walking next to me, I just wanted to get back on the path. Who knew if Nathan was back from the cemetery, who knew if he cared not to find me in his mansion?

What a childish bitch you are. 

If I really wanted to venture into that tunnel of sex and pain, I had to understand that there would never be any real feelings on his part. Did that mean that I would have fallen in love? 
Of course, it would have been inevitable.
Loving those who cannot love you is the easiest thing in the world. 

Lay on the ground and let the rain drown you. 

I wanted to let myself be absorbed by the soil, but it was not the right day to die: I had to abandon myself to my sick desire. With tears of joy I set my foot on the path when the stars were shining in the sky, the figure kept calling me, but I left it in the woods. 

«Oh my goodness you're here» I spoke to the flying owl which was directing me towards the manor. 

«I will never take drugs again, can you hear me? I have found another way that will only break my heart and not my body!». Slowly I made it to the front door.

«Eerie! What have you done?! I looked for you all day I was going mad!» Nathan cupped my cheeks with his rough hands, checking my skin. He seemed desperate but still wrapped me in a blanket and lifted me effortlessly, carrying me quickly to safety inside my room. 

«Is she alright?» Judi put a hand on my forehead and looked at Nathan with a frown, «You shouldn't have left her alone you foolish man!» she shouted.

«Get out Judi.» she pointed a finger at his chest, spitting words like venom «None of this would’ ve happened if she'd still be here! If only you didn't drink that cursed night!» she was really annoyed, while my professor's face was illegible.
«I'll take care of this, you can go now,» she scoffed «Sure, have your wicked way with this poor little creature, if you'll end up in jail once college restarts I won't take you out!» and she walked away, slamming the door. 

«Uh, I shouldn't have witnessed that», I dared to say to break the uncomfortable silence that immediately followed Judi’s walkout.

«It's okay, she's just an old grumpy lady».