MAYHEM

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They'll be looking at me
Looking at me with the eyes of dissatisfaction.
They hate it when I stay up
They don't like it if I laugh
And they get confused if I stay quiet
This shit is hard to keep up.

Got a lot of trash going through my brain
These political questions, I cannot concentrate.
A day of happiness like I'm on drugs
A week of depression, man it sucks.

My body is messed up
Either I overeat or don't eat at all
Either I oversleep or don't sleep at all.
I bleed for a whole month and then I don't for a few
And then I suffer from MDD too.

Crying over the happy things
Laughing at the sad.
When no one's watching,
I pull my own hair as if I'm mad.
The hardest I got slapped was by myself
Yeah, I do it every day.

I hit, I cry
Bones and skin doesn't hurt anymore
It's the mind that's hurting, it's the heart that's sore
Looking at my wrist, does it hurt if I cut
Standing on the top, will it hurt if I jump.

My search online triggers the helpline numbers
What's the point, it just fake-ass care.
I'm stressed out doing nothing
Can't meet the deadlines and I'm tired of breathing.

-Laxmi Bhargavi Golla

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