Pretending (Westshore Series #1)

Chapter Twenty Nine: Why Don't You Eat?

Warner sighed at my lack of response his face softening. "I'm sorry for yelling I just don't know what to do. I want to help but I don't know how...Please look at me." The desperation in his voice is the only reason I look over at him.

He looks beside himself; one hand is in his hair tugging at it and his other is against my desk. His knuckles are white from how tight he is holding on. He stays silent for a couple of seconds, looking at me with worried eyes.

"You can hate me all you want. Deny it all you want but you need to talk to someone, if not me then a professional. Juliet just please listen to me- "

"I told you I don't want your help. I don't want to hear any of this, the only thing I want from you is for you to back off."

"Back off? You are telling me to back off?"

"This is my problem, not yours. So, you don't have to worry about me or about any of this. As a matter of fact, I want you to leave. I don't need you here Warner" I lie

"You don't mean that." His voice is hoarse, and I know I am hurting him but I can't help the self-destructive behaviour pouring out of me. All the hatred I have is towards me not him but he is caught in its path.

"You're right it's not that I don't need you here it's that I don't want you here so get out and leave me alone."

I knew he was worried, but I hated it. I hated that he knew that I had a problem. I was embarrassed, I wanted to shrivel up and disappear. That was the last of the strength I had so I just pulled my covers over me still in my cheerleading uniform and shut my eyes.

My head was pounding. Warner could stand there and stare at me for as long as he wanted, I wasn't going to say anything else. I just kept my eyes shut and after a few minutes, I felt myself drifting off.

___

I woke up to the pitch dark and the clock displayed it was only 3 am. I groaned remembering why I had gone to sleep so early. I hated that Warner called me out, I hated that he saw through me and my lies.

I put my hand out to my dresser and saw a blue Powerade on the nightstand waiting for me. My favourite flavour. I glanced around my room my eyes adjusting to the dim light and spotted Warner sleeping at my desk chair beside the bed. His head was at an awkward angle, wearing only his sweatpants and his laptop left open in his lap as if he fell asleep looking at it.

I stared at him for a long while, the unusual paleness of his face, his brows still scrunched with worry, as if he fretted for me even in his sleep. My throat tightened unbearably, my eyes stinging. I would not let myself cry at the sight of him keeping watch beside me all night.

Even after I was so cruel to him, yelling at him to leave he stayed here watching over me. I dug my fingernails into my palm until it hurt. I did not deserve him.

I moved as quietly as possible and grabbed his laptop from his hand. I knew he was a deep sleeper, but I still was scared his eyes would snap open at any second. My throat dried up when I saw what his screen was on. There were over ten tabs open all researching how to help someone with an eating disorder as well as therapists and support groups in the area.

I did not deserve the man In front of me, that is all I repeat to myself as I place the laptop back in his lap. I chug the Powerade grateful for the man who fell asleep watching over me.

I was still wearing my cheer uniform, so I stripped down and changed into some shorts and an old embarrassing science fair shirt. I made sure Warner was still sleeping as I peeled off each layer of clothing.

After changing and slipping back into bed the guilt slowly began to take over me so after a few more minutes I sat up and stood In front of Warner again. This time I took his laptop, closed it and put it on my desk before lightly grazing his cheek with my hand.