Strings

Chapter 33

"That...that is my oldest sister."

uhh what?

I remember being here last time, thinking something entirely different. My cheeks flame up at my massively off deduction at the time but I can't think of it any further as Hayden continues to speak again.

"She killed herself merely two days after this picture was taken."

"I am sorry, what??" I find myself letting out, as he says the one thing I couldn't have ever fathomed; but Hayden doesn't even seem to hear me. He was so lost in the memory of the tragedy that touched his life, I don't even think he is truly even here with me.

"She had been battling with depression for months when one day, out of the blue she planned a family cruise trip for all of us. All of us agreed immediately when she asked us, it had been so long since we had even seen her excited about something.

She was perfectly normal the entire time, laughing, joking, teasing the hell out of Skylar and I, it was perfect. Father, took this picture of her. No one knew that this would be the last photograph of her we would ever get to keep for ourselves." he says, as he looks at me briefly and then continues to look back at the frame.

I admire the photograph of the young woman all over again. She looks so happy, so very much in the moment, as she leans against the railing of the cruise, with the wind in her hair, and her face simply glowing with glee. The picture was no doubt, clicked expertly, and right in the moment as it freezes her laugh timelessly. A laugh so big, so hearty, you could barely see her eyes. To think, this young woman would take her own life merely days after seeming like this leaves me in complete and utter shock.

"Two days after this evening, the last time our family was ever truly and completely together, we found her leaning backwards against the railing dangerously. She was still smiling, the faintest of smile, but her eyes were so vacant it freaked the fuck out of me.

I was only 13, I thought it was some kind of prank she was always pulling and I couldn't understand why mom and dad were coaxing her towards them the way they were. Terrified and desperately.

Father kept telling her to talk to us, to divert her mind, her attention anything, and she did speak. Just one word, 'Goodbye'. And wiping off one singular tear, she jumped off.

Father leapt in after her and Mother was in hysterics. Skylar and I, huddled next to each other, neither of us could make heads or tails of what was happening. Of what had happened and what this meant.

Father swam and swam but could not find her. No one could actually, her body was never found. She had sunk right in the ocean, and we were so busy coaxing her to step away from the railing, we didn't even spot the weights she had attached to her legs until it was too late."

I hadn't even realized that tears were streaming down my face rapidly until Hayden cups my face with his hands, wiping them off. I take a deep, raspy breath in an attempt to regain my composure as Hayden clears his throat and begins to speak again.

"Days after the memorial we threw to honor her, mum found a letter in her room. Her letter to all of us. She had been in an abusive relationship, yet never disclosed the name of her boyfriend; hell, we didn't even know she was in a relationship. She said she couldn't live with him anymore and that she couldn't live with herself either since she'd always love that motherfucker.

But that was nothing compared to the love she bore for the four of us and so in her last days, all she wanted was to spend time with us.
She said that she loved the ocean, loved how vast and endless it seemed and that in all honesty, she couldn't wait to flow with its currents and to rise and fall with its waves.
She said that she has no regrets and that she wouldn't change or do anything differently and the only thing that saddens her now is that she would never see Skylar and I, live the best of our lives and that she would never see mum and dad again. She told us not to weep for her, for she would flow endlessly in the ocean, and shall always stay with us in spirit long long after she were gone.

We tried to find out about the man she was supposedly dating but none of her friends knew about it. She had kept it a secret from everyone and while my sister took her life for that asshole, we didn't even know who the fucker was."

I wrap my arms around him softly, burying my face in his chest as I didn't know how else I could show my support to him for anything I could've possibly said to him sounded hollow to me only.

"It took us everything we had, to forgive ourselves for her death, and to celebrate who she was, what she meant to us and what she would always mean to all of us.

There was one sentence in her letter that stuck with me" he says looking at me, as I raise my face to look back at him.

" 'How could I forgive the man I once loved, when I can't even forgive myself?' And all of it came flooding in my mind when you essentially said this about your sister as well." Hayden says.

"God, Hayden I am so sorry, I had no idea, I-"

"Shh, I am not telling you this so you can apologize idiot; I am telling you this so you know, that no one is truly lost until they're gone. in spite of all that has happened and all that your sister has done, you and your family have something that my family and I would do anything to get, a second chance."

"Hayden I-"

"And don't you let go of that Avery, don't you ever let go of that."

*****

HEY THERE LOVELIES!

I hope you're all doing great and had an amazing week!
Presenting you with a super intense secret-revealing chapter, what do you think of Hayden's past?

(For those of you who want to go back and read the chapter where Avery finds this photograph for the first time all on her own it's Chapter 10 ; enjoy!)

Let me know what you thought of this chapter and keep voting, commenting and interacting with me; y'all already know how much I love it!!!

Love always
Xxxx