Strings

Chapter 33

A lone tear of exhaustion slips across the side of my face, and I close my eyes trying to eliminate all of the noise raging in my head.

"It's like I lost my sister long before any of this even conspired to happen. And I do not know what's worse, losing someone while they're still here or having to face the knowledge that one might never find them again. How do I bring myself to forgive her when I can't even forgive myself?" I find myself speaking softly.

He tilts his head against me in an effort to look at me better, clenches his jaw as if withholding himself from saying something. His eyebrows tense and he closes his eye and inhales a sharp breath.

"Hayden?"

"Hayden, what's wrong?" I find myself asking, fear and worry laced in my voice.

"Lets go home."

"Hayden, are you okay? Was it something I said? Do you not feel alright-"

"Avery. Lets go." He interrupts me, positively shutting me up. His voice is steady and his tone firm but I know him well enough now to know when he's fighting to keep his composure.
I follow him wordlessly to his car, careful not to speak or ask about anything else. He is clearly in deep thought as he focuses on his driving, his fists clenching every so often around the steering wheel, his eyes glossy and a passive swirl of green and blue, like the oceans in mourning and I do not understand what is the loss I've somehow managed to make Hayden Xavier Knight feel.

We enter into his massive estate wordlessly, as he hurries haphazardly into our house quite literally jumping off his Maybach, barely stopping for a second, impatient as I hurry myself to follow suit; as he grabs me by my hand and continues to hurry ahead.

"Hayden! Wha-" I gasp, as he drags me behind him, slithering swiftly into his not-so-modest dwelling and I find myself struggling to breathe after him as I waddle behind like a penguin. I wonder how he doesn't catch me struggling against my lungs or how he doesn't seem to realize that his legs are much longer than mine!

We don't stop until we find ourselves amidst the walls of his massive library. He continues striding ahead, and I find it much easier to keep up with him this time around.
I keep quiet, trying to keep my curiosity at bay and not badgering him with questions because I know whatever it is, is not easy for him.

As we walk through the massive bookshelves, memories from the first time when I was ever in this library flood my mind, instantly reminding me of how I had made my ankle worse and trespassed into Hayden's private quarters. A discovery that neither of us were happy to make. I can't help but think of the dynamics of our relation, and how it progressed from what it used to be and how it really is now.

So lost in my thoughts, I don't realize when Hayden stops right in front of me and I end up walking right into his back. Fuming at myself for zoning out and being carelessly clumsy I apologize hurriedly but see no response or reaction from Hayden at all.

My eyebrows furrow as I match his line of vision, to look at what he's staring at and find myself looking at Hayden's little nook where I'd stumbled into last time.

I catch him staring at the little photo frame I'd previously come across. I'd completely forgotten about it but looking back at it, raises all the questions I had buried in me. The picture looks as timeless as ever, the young woman looking regally happy and as I look back at Hayden, his eyes soften and looks almost glossy as he stares fondly at the woman in the picture.