Half a Heart

6. Cause a Scene

After Peter left, I cleaned my room. Then my bathroom. And then my kitchen. I threw in a load of laundry. Anything that kept me busy. Dad and Carter peeked in a few times but said nothing as I cleaned the tops of the cabinets and cleaned out the fridge. I spent hours doing nothing but cleaning and singing along with one of the only artists I didn't share with Peter, Whitney Houston.

I tired myself out around 6. I stuck a frozen pizza in the oven not feeling like cooking at all. Deciding to go out, I went upstairs and put on a hoodie. Yelling at my family, I informed them that I was going out and I would be back later.

Hoping in my truck, I left towards Mountain Home. I hadn't let myself think about Peter much at all. It hurt too much. I was so angry yet so devastated, and I honestly had no idea what to do. All I know is that tomorrow is going to suck. I went to Baskin Robins and got a Reese's Peanut Butter cup layered sundae. I drove to the lake spot and put the truck in park. I pulled the blanket that I keep in my vehicle so when I make these little spontaneous trips, I have a comfy seat.

I stared out across the water, lost in my thoughts as I ate my sundae. I couldn't help thinking mean things towards Savannah and even towards Peter. I hated them both right now. I knew that I should pray for them, but do you know how hard it is to pray for your enemies? It was time to put my feelings aside. Praying is always a very freeing act for me, and it's not something I take lightly.

'Dear God,

Thank you for this day. Thank you for waking me up this morning and allowing me to make something of it. Lord, thank you for my family. Thank you for Carter, who without, my life would be boring and empty. Thank you to my dad, who is always there for me and keeps me laughing. Thank you for my friends. Thank you for the ones who are true and always stand with me when I'm in tribulation. Lord, thank you for these trials that make me stronger. I hope that I glorify you even then.

God, I pray for Savannah. I pray that whatever she needs, her needs are met. I pray that she is happy and can move past my brother's death. I pray for anything and everything that she needs. I pray that I forgive her easily and don't hold a grudge. I pray that she forgives me for my wrongdoings unto her.

Father, I pray also for Peter. I pray that he becomes confident in himself and doesn't need assurance from anyone else. God, I pray that he forgives himself and moves on. I pray that Peter can go back to his normal life quickly and doesn't spend too much time worrying about this. I pray for Peter in all aspects of his life.

Lord, I pray for myself this evening. I pray for peace and courage. Lord, I pray that I can hold my head up high and not let them know that they got to me. I pray that good comes from this hurt. I pray that I can forgive Peter and Savannah and not hold a grudge. God, I pray that you do your will in my life. I am handing you the reins. Lord, I pray that I eventually forgive Isaiah and can move on. I pray that I forgive myself. I hope to free myself of all the burdens my life carries.

Jesus, forgive me where I have failed you. Please, bless the poor and heal the sick. I pray that you lead, guide, and direct my life.

All of this I pray in Jesus' name,

Amen'

After taking everything to God, I felt a lot better. Not back to 100% but I know that He has got it, and I no longer have to worry about it. I feel less stressed already. I let my mind wander to our next dance, which I have yet to choreograph. I will do it tomorrow after school. My mind was putting together possible moves in order, and I felt at peace.

I was home by 11. I was gone for a total of 6 hours. During that time, I had felt more relaxed than I had in a while. Daddy and Carter were both in the living room when I walked in the door. Carter jumped up and scanned my body looking for something. When he found what he was looking for, he brought me in for a tight hug. I melted into him. We stayed in the embrace for a few minutes. Daddy still didn't know about Peter and me, and I didn't want to be the cause of a strained friendship. If I could keep my friendship with his mom, he can keep his with my dad without my interfering. I took a shower and blow-dried my hair to give it volume and keep it from being bumpy. After doing that, I put on a sleep face mask and a lip mask. I crawled under the covers and lay with Tickle the elephant. I was asleep in minutes.

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The next morning, I got up an extra 30 minutes early and did my makeup and hair all nice. I was dressing to impress. I put on one of my riskier outfits and strutted it like a runway model. Carter rode with me since he had after-school detention and I had cheer. It was smarter to take one vehicle. He likes when I drive so he can 'teach' me how. He thinks that I'm not a good driver. Back into a shop going 0 miles per hour, and you are considered awful.

I love that feeling when you drive yourself in your truck and you get out. There's something powerful there. Using that to my advantage, I made sure to make it look effortless, even though it's always an effort because I am short.

Peter was at his locker when I went to mine. I'm not petty enough that I completely ignored him, instead, I smiled and continued on with my life. After that encounter, I couldn't stop thinking about him. I miss him sneaking up behind me for hugs. I miss him running his fingers through my hair. I miss the way he just knew what I was thinking without me having to say it, even though he always told me how stoic I am. I miss all of him.

I tried to focus, and I b-sed my way through the lesson.

Fourth hour, Gavin and Seth kept asking me questions I didn't have the answers to. They eventually got the hint and mostly left me alone. I didn't see Peter again until it was time for fifth hour. I was purposely a minute or two late, hoping everyone was seated. I was about to cause a scene.