Changing Fate | BL

His Own Reality

He despised the thought process of his non pg-13 life though because it made him question his pride as a man at times. He blamed it on his new body that made him stoop low for love even if it meant he was dominated.

Acton bit his lip, trying to keep his thoughts from straying else where as he refused to go further in depth with his conflicting thoughts.

Though in the innocent sense for a relationship, it's not like he was actively seeking one for now.

While he did want to be loved romantically and give that affection back, he struggled to grasp the concept of him entering a relationship. He worried of things like if he was worthy enough to be in one and worried if he wouldn't put enough effort like his future partner will.

He wondered if it was his low self-esteem because he couldn't imagine a female loving him that way too....

He did already have somewhat of an advantage of potential female love interests, seeing the females stares when he walks in the hallways. They seem to like staring at him, the small blush on their cheeks noticeable. They seemed to be a daze whether he walked by or ask a simple question, giving adoring eyes towards him.

Maybe he could have a girlfriend in the future if he was just assertive even if his true nature was naturally meek.

Although he noticed how the stares were especially stronger once he was interacting with another male council member, some whispering and giggling with each. That made him suspicious, considering how his big sister would act like that whenever she was  reading those boys love mangas.

Even with her persistent nature to make him read those bl romances, he refused to dabble into them. If he didn't even enjoy straight couple mangas, he believed he'd only get disturbed by the yaoi ones. He only caved in to play the otome game because his sister wouldn't stop yapping about it.

He really hoped they weren't any yaoi fans here since he didn't want make the other male council members uncomfortable and add unnecessary attention on him. It would also be embarrassing for him considering he thought the admiring females were interested in him.

He also realized how dumb he was thinking he could detach from this new reality. He perviously thought that if he could detach, he wouldn't feel as much pain but he was completely wrong. He was just attaching himself to his pervious life a lot more than needed, something that he already lost.

It wasn't like he was going to return anyways.

That's why he came up with the idea of possibly gaining a lover in this world. If he fell in love here, no doubt would feel he connected to both the person and to the world itself. Then he wouldn't feel such a strong longing anymore to find a purpose or way out.

That's why he thought of getting a potential wife, hoping that he can dedicate himself to her and grow an attachment to her, finally feeling like he belonged in this world. But he couldn't force it so he didn't bother to try and find the perfect one for him at the moment. He decided that when it's nearing the end of the storyline, he might try to think about it more seriously. Since that's when the demon king was successfully defeated, someone whose appearance was unknown.

Though, he found this world strange in different ways, seeing how drastic some characters will look compared to background ones. It was obvious because the mobs weren't supposed to be prettier or more handsome than the main characters but it was still strange to see how sparkly the main characters were. Even for Emily who is considered to have bland colors looks extremely appealing when she smiled softly, often having white lilies floating in the background if you stare for too long.

Of course it didn't mean the mobs were ugly, they actually were quite attractive. He rarely found someone that was considered unattractive and when they were, they usually weren't that bad. But then again he was surrounded by nobles who stressed over their appearances.