Love is Madness

2: With no Sugars, p l e a s e

2: With no Sugars, p l e a s e

So Lissa ends up on the street corner, how did she get there? there's no where to run to- sucking down a double espresso, burning her tongue in an effort to get the caffeine faster to her brain. Thats what Mikhael always told her anyway. Drink it faster, you get fixed faster.

What about the rest of us, does that ever get fixed?

What about broken bones and bruises, what fixes those, my love?

I certainly couldn't fix them, not when you keep on breaking and falling, breakingandfallingapart.

Lissa blinks and swears. She doesn't bother to swear in Portuguese. Her head aches. The caffeine is only making her jittery. She wants to get home and hide under her covers like a child, but her bed and house still echoes with him, etched into every corner of her life. She swears like a sailor. The coffee is too hot, the sun too bright and she just thought of him again.

She swears again. It should be raining, shouldn't it, what with how she's feeling and all. It should be pouring with rain, pelting down with freaking hailstones, but-

No. It's a beautiful last day of summer.

Way to go, genius, she thinks. Break up on a nice day, so no one feels as rotten as you do.

When everyone is at the beach, and the streets are deserted.

But it isn't even breaking up, not with Mikhael.

I've sliced off something vital, I can't live without it.

With that thought, Lissa throws her head back and finishes up her coffee fix in a gulp, hissing at the heat. Then she turns around and hops over the low wall behind her. She places her empty polystyrene cup upside along the wall with all the others in a row. She smiles sadly at the remains of their caffeine binges, her lips twisting up bitterly.

Can't even stop doing this crap, she thinks. Can't forget him, can't just can'tcan'tcan't.

And he is everywhere. She mustn't think of the last time he disappeared, and how she slowly

descended

into

madness.

And only because he burns too fiercely not to leave his mark on everything he touches.

Her phone begins to vibrate. She fishes it out, stares at the screen. She blinks away the blurring tears, and focuses on the words, the lyrics.

Tell me

when

it's

over,

Promise that you'll always keep me in mind, burning like a soldier.

"Bloody- ugh, bloody, freaking, gorgeous bastard boy!" she mutters through a closed up throat.

The rest of the lines are in her head, I'll find my way to you and save the day, she doesn't want them there, knows that Mikhael knows she knows the rest.

And for once he has his phone on him and texts me like nothing's happened, like he's talking to me right here and already knows my answers.

Which he does.

I'm gone, Mikhael, I'm finished, why won't you understand that?

Why do I always talk in my head, you know me so well, you should hear me anyway.

Do you hear me, Mikhael, you bastardly boy?

You gotta fix yourself now, I'm not, not anymore.

Lissa shoves her phone into a pocket, leaps over the wall and starts to run. Hard and fast, she runs, all the way back to the coffee shop. She needs something stronger, but she knows it wouldn't work anyway.

***

The café is cheerful and she hates it. Painted pale yellow and pastel blue, she remembers who painted it up, and what happened that day-

God, she remembers, bare feet and heat and Mikhael.

The beginning of the end.

Her stomach heaves in, punched in, fuck- it hurts.

The Butterfly Lion, is the name of the shop, and she remembers that old story, where a man cut a lion the size of the hill into the chalk so he'd never forget his dearest friend. And she hates it. She closes her eyes to steady herself, and breathes in deep.

"Three double espresso shots, please."

Someone new is behind the counter, and she would be glad, if she could feel anything at all. At least she won't have to answer any questions.

The cashier stares flatly at her for a moment. He turns to ring up her order, grumbling under his breath.

"What is it, illegal to order something civilised? Like a nice roasted hazelnut and caramel? Or even a mocha, fifth freaking black coffee order in an hour..."

She would have smiled at him, on any other day. If her head and heart weren't spinning, fractured- she feels sick. She stares blankly at the man. She slides along the counter to pick up her order, just needing the fix and quick.

Ha, didn't know that you could abuse caffeine, didn't realise it could numb you so well?

Who are you trying to fool, you won't ever forget him.

Nothing works anymore, why do we even try?

She's stirred from her cynical thoughts by a low voice. Lissa turns her face up to meet coffee-black eyes.

"Huh?"

She might know him. She can't remember. She doesn't care.

The barista quirks his mouth up. "So you want coffee poisoning then? That's your third order in fifteen minutes."

Sheesh, what's with the comments on her drinking preferences today?

"Oh, I'm certified caffeine abuser," she tells him seriously.

Then she winces, because he said exactly the same, trying to forget him, Mikhael, the boy that burnt himself into her memories, but remembering him with the fixes she so desperately needs.

"Ah, another one. Sugar?"

"No sugar, please," she says carefully, just wishing this damn guy would freaking hurry up so she could freaking drink the thing and freaking stop thinking- too late.

"You hard-core junkie!" the barista laughs, snapping the lids firmly onto the cups. "Just like that other guy who was here earlier. Blond, he was. Here you are, sweetheart, Jake's finest. And just a tad bit stronger-"

Eurgh! Dude couldn't even find another café, no! He has to come to mine, ours, oh, Mikhael...

She blinks at him, preoccupiedly, snatching up her cups, and Lissa gets out of that shop fast so she can go and

forget

in

peace.

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Mmm, its now 1.45 am, I don't think I need any of that coffee. Did you notice I wrote the words caffeine or coffee, eleven times?

So how do you pronounce Mikhael, in your head?

Do writers ever write at normal times of day? Maybe after midnight is normal then. Just a thought.

01.14 if you've read this far, thank you. The next chapter is nothing like this, better, promise. Don't give up on me yet xD

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