Call Me Ishmael

Chapter 22

Finnie moved across the wall like a lithe panther.  The white gown the Swarm-beings had dressed her in was torn in several strategic places, exposing interesting sections of her.  I watched her in fascination, and Splice sighed.

"Bety gone, then?" Niles asked Splice. 

She nodded.

"Fancy that.  Chaps popping in and out of the sky, or what-have-you.  Takes a lot of getting used to, one thinks."  He blinked several times, rapidly.  "So, Splice, tell me, were you, at all, ahh, well, were you sweet on him?  Bety, I mean."

I glanced at Splice; she looked physically ill.  Her hair turned white and stayed there, and her pink tail drooped to the ground.  "Are you serious?"

"Well, yes, dash it all.  It's just that..."

Finnie snapped, "Be quiet.  There is something outside.  Something big."

I crept to her side and peered out of the window.  She patted my side, and smiled.  It took me a few moments to catch on.  Catching on to the wordless communication of beautiful women had always been difficult for me, as I experienced so little of it.  Finnie patted me again, and this time I understood.  I drew my gun and held it in front of me.  Her smile softened and grew, and she turned again to the window.

I stared, trying to see what she was hearing, willing whatever or whoever it was, to walk past the window so I could see it and perhaps deal with it.  I've often sat in my car, waiting for someone to come out of Wal-Mart.  I hoped the person I was waiting for would come out of the store and up the line of cars, get in, and allow me to leave with a trunk load of goodies.

This was the same.  I waited, and wished, and the noisemaker did come by.  I pulled back from the window in surprise, but Finnie kept staring.  Instantly, I not only understood what was walking by the house, but also why the house was turned on its side.

The animal, or beast, or thing, whatever it was, was at least seventeen feet high.  It was not as bad as a creature eighteen feet high, but it was plenty high for me.  Walking by a two-story house, it could look in the second floor window with stretching on tip-toe.

It was like a large bear, but the face was ape-like and ugly.  It had two large arms, covered with hair.  A creature with four arms, or six, or a hundred, seemed just as likely, so I was glad it had just the two arms, even though both of them were very big, and looked very strong.  I considered that it was with just those two arms, not four or six or a hundred, that the beast overturned the house. 

Finnie rolled on her back and looked up at me.  Her momentum caused her to roll nearly under me, and I trembled.  I didn't want to fall on her and maybe hurt her or something, and told her so.

"Careful," I said.

"Always," she whispered.

"Please," said Splice.

Niles looked out another window.  "I say, that's a rather big specimen, isn't it?  Of bear, I mean.  Or perhaps it is an ape of some sort or other.  At any rate, it seems to be interested in this house."

Niles was right.  The beast approached the house, snuffling with its large, Bigfoot-like nose. 

"I think it's smelled us," I whispered.

"Even without Bety being here?" Splice said.  "What are we going to do?"

Finnie got to her feet.  "These walls aren't going to keep it out.  It'll crush them like paper if it wants in.  And Ishmael, as much as I like your gun, because it's really neat, I don't think it's big enough to stop it."  She thought for a moment.  "You can't do that math trick again, can you?"

I shook my head.  "I think that was a one-time event."

A couple of things went through my mind.  One, of course, that Finnie was very close to me, and that caused other things to have trouble even getting into my brain.  I forced myself to push the thoughts of Finnie from my mind so other things could get in and be considered. 

We were trapped in an overturned house with a giant, King Kong type of creature on the prowl outside.  A giant ape outside a building, with a perfect woman inside the same building.  I ran those two separate pieces of information through my feverish brain.  My thinking suddenly accelerated as my mind combined the two thoughts, and realized that Finnie was in terrible, terrible danger.  It was only a matter of time before he realized we were inside, and a huge, hairy hand pushed in through the window and grabbed the nearest attractive woman. 

"Finnie!"  I cried, "Get away from the window!"

Too late!  How many times have those two terrible words brought woe to the speaker, and oftentimes, I assume, to the listener as well.  Too late to fix the windshield wipers; too late to get to the church for the wedding, too late to eat more fruits and vegetables and cut down on after-dinner snacks.  Too late!  The universal, human cry, in whatever tongue, when something that needs done is accomplished, but it is too late to forestall the disaster.  Maybe it was inevitable; maybe there was something deep in my own psyches that made me wait until the very last minute, hoping against hope that things will work out, that the giant ape will not reach his hairy hand through the window and grab the girl.

So it was with horror, but also a certain amount of fulfilled expectation that I watched the huge, padded hand of the ape reach through the open window and grab Finnie around her perfect waist.  Her waist was gently indented, tapering as it went, and it was clear to me that it was perfect for grabbing, especially for an ape with giant hands.  She had the most ergonomic waist I have ever seen.  Finnie did not react the way Fay Wray had, all those years ago.  Of course, Fay was acting at the time, and there is no way to know what her actual reaction would have been, were she  seized by a giant ape in real life.  Finnie did not scream, or kick, although she certainly possessed the legs for kicking.  Instead, she seized one of the ape's fingers in her hand.  In her small, perfect-in-every-respect hands, the finger looked like one of those giant sausages that hang in the windows of European delicatessens.  I always avoid those, because it's impossible to tell what is in a sausage, or how long it's been hanging in the window. 

But Finnie held the ape's finger, and pulled it higher.  At first, I thought she was going to bite it.  Aside from her perfect teeth, I could think of no other weapon she had.  

"Finnie, watch out!"  This useless remark came from Splice, and there was just a touch of glee in it.

Niles' eyes grew large and round.  "I say, Finnie, old girl, there appears to be a giant, hairy hand grasping you around your waist.  What can I do to help?  Help you escape, of course, is what I mean."

Finnie snarled, and her eyes glowed like a tigress.  "Just stay out of my way, Niles, and get ready to run.  This isn't going to be pretty."

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