Sarah Paulson One Shots

scars from the past - part two

prompt: reader has a horrible past that resulted in a beautiful future.

tw: abuse, talk of death, self harm, blood

word count: 753

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

"It's okay, I'm here. Take deep breaths, okay? Good job, baby." Cordelia said as she tried to calm you down on the bathroom floor. You could still feel the blood running down your arm so you pressed it behind your back so she wouldn't find out what you'd done. Your heart was beating so hard you were afraid it was going to jump out of your chest. Your breathing was erratic and heavy as you tried to keep your shit together. The possibility of the one person you trust the most in the world would find out your past and how weak you are, terrified you.

Finally after what felt like hours your breathing slowed down and allowed you to calm down. You let out a breath and looked down at the floor, your arm still pressed behind my back.

"What happened, baby?" Cordelia asked you softly. This only caused you to tear up once again. You sighed and blinked away the tears.

"Sorry. I'm alright." You lied.

"You're clearly not okay, darling. I'm here, you can tell me anything."

"I don't know what to say."

"The truth. Tell me how you feel, how you really feel." She put her hands on your shoulders and let it wander down to your arms to hold your hand. She reaches the fresh cuts and you wince in pain, making her worry grow even more.

"What's wrong?" She looked down to see bloodstains on your sweater.

"Is that blood?" Delia asked as a single tear rolled down her cheek. You looked up to her with scared eyes and you thought she would be mad, but all you could see was concern. She gently took your arm in her hands.

"Did you do something to yourself?" She almost whispered. You couldn't do anything but slowly nod.

"Oh, sweetheart." She took you in her arms as you both cried.

"Can I check the wound?" She quietly asked you, as if any loud volume would break you. You just nodded, too shocked to speak. She lifted the sleeve up and tried to not let out a gasp when she saw the many cuts littered on your arm. You looked at them too,you never realised there were so many.

"Let's get you cleaned up, sweetheart." She smiled sadly. You both stood up and she told you to sit on the bathtub edge while she got bandages. She turned around and kneeled in front of you. You stretch your arm out for her.

"Oh, darling." She sighs. She cleanes the wounds with a wet washcloth and you wince as it stings.

"I know, I'm sorry, baby." She apologises and continues to clean up your arm. After it was clean she bandages it and placed a kiss on your arm, causing tears to brim in your eyes. You sat in an uncomfortable silence for a while until Delia spoke again.

"Why did you do this?" There it was, the question you'd been avoiding for so long.

"Can we... can we talk about this in the bedroom?" You asked and she nodded as she helped you up. You walked to the bed and sat down, taking deep breaths for a moment as Cordelia gently stroke your arm, making you feel safe.

"I was abused." You said after a while. "By my father. My mother died a while ago and I think he just lost it. So this," You referred to your arm "Was my way to cope." You looked down "I'm sorry for not telling you, I really don't want to keep things from you but I didn't know how to tell you."

"Can you look at me?" Delia asked. You couldn't.

"Please look at me, love." You looked up at her.

"Hi." She smiled through tears.

"Hi." You replied, chuckling sadly.

"I will never ever hurt you, okay? I promise. I love you far too much to ever do that." She looked deep into your eyes.

"You love me?" It was the first time she said that to me.

"Of course I do. I love you so, so much. You don't ever have to hurt yourself. If you ever feel the urge to or even think about it, you can come to me, always. "

"Thank you. I love you too." She kissed your forehead and embraced you in a hug. Someone finally understood.

Like your mother used to.