30 Days of Love

You're Holding Secrets Too

Liam's POV 

My heart plumments with every pin that tumbles at the force of the bowling ball colliding with them.

What if Joanna doesn't marry me? I question, realizing the wedding is arriving faster than what I would have imagined.

That frightening week, in which Jo was gone, was another week wasted. Those weeks upon her stay, where she'd stay in her room all day, merely leaving to go to the bathroom or to eat dinner, were weeks wasted as well.

And now, as every sunrise and sunset rises and falls, brings another day closer to the wedding. It brings a new chance for me to try and convince Jo that she should marry me.

However, every progress I made, every step her mind took closer to accepting the fact that she should marry me, I blew out of anger. Anger that my parents told me never to give power, yet I have.

With my favorite color bowling ball, orange with dark black flames holding the anger I've released inside of it, in front of my face, I stare at the pins behind me.

Aim for the second pin. Dad's voice reminds me.

My eyes never leave the second pin as I stride down the lay. Meanwhile, while my arm swings behind me, coming forward to release the ball, rather than hitting that second pin, it curves towards the right, barely hitting the far right pin.

Dang it.

I stand up straight, watching as the pins coming crashing down, not from the force of me but because of the pinsetter.

"Brown, don't you dare stand there as if you don't know what you did wrong, you know exactly what you did!" Coach Kennedy bashes. "Come here now!"

I turn around, seeing as the faces of my team don't have smiles upon their faces, instead they have frowns with their eyebrows angled towards the sky with worry.

Get your head in the game, son. I say for Coach, though he still says it outloud.

"Get your head in the game, son!" Coach Kennedy hisses, squeezing my shoulder. "You've never done this bad, not even as a rookie."

"I-I know, coach. I'm sorry I just have a lot on my plate."

"So does everyone else, kiddo, but you have to leave that stuff off the lane." His strict voice ends and turns to calm as he whispers, "We can talk about it after practice, alright."

"Yes, sir," I say before I head back to my lonesome seat.

As I go to sit down, Pat asks, "What's wrong with you man? You've been acting strange all practice. Are you still looking for Jo?"

"No, no I found her. T-talking to her parents was risky but worth it; they told me where Rylie lived."

"What made you think she was there?"

I shrugged. "Besides her cousin, she was the one she talked the most with."

Pat nods, comprehending my words as he bites his lip, trying to figure out why I wasn't beaming with joy until eventually he gives up, his teeth crawling back into his mouth as he asks, "Then why are you upset?"

"I-I don't think she's gonna marry me." I cover my face with my hands, praying the darkness will shut away the tears threatening to rise.

"You have to make her want to marry her," Pat explains.

"And you act like I haven't been trying," I growl, uncovering my face as I sit up straight.

Pat sighs. "I-I know you have but no one said it was ever going to be easy. Y-you have to find that reason as to why she doesn't want to marry you, and do everything in your power to erase that out of her mind. Do you know why she doesn't want to marry you?"

"A-at first I thought it was because she didn't know me. I thought that maybe the more dates I take her on, the more we can get to know each other and eventually she'll grow more comfortable with me b-. But every date, every time I'd do something to make her know I was trustworthy, it was like it didn't matter." I sniff. "I-talked to mom and she said that Jo's mom said that Jo was worried about being a normal teenager which is why I tried to take her to parties and do normal teenage stuff, b-but it still wasn't enough. I-I don't know what to do man, w-what do I do?"

Pat's eyes widen as he asks, "What if that isn't it?"

"Huh?"

"What if the reason she doesn't want to marry you is far deeper than just wanting to live a normal life or trusting you; what if she doesn't want to marry you because of something you have no idea about?"

I shrug. "It's not like she tells me anything. I-it's like she's afraid to open up because she thinks she'll be judged."

"Well isn't that what you do?" Pat questions, meanwhile I don't answer. I keep my lips sealed, with my eyebrows narrow, urging him to further explain himself. "You're too afraid to talk about Jace or how it affected you because you feel that if anyone found out they'd see you as weak. That if you explained how we first met, how I caught you sobbing in the bathroom because the world was against you, it would prove that you're not as strong as you seem."

"I-"

"Hey! Liam, Patrick, stop talking and pay attention!" Coach Kennedy hollers.

After both Pat and I apologize, we wait for Coach to begin talking again before continuing our conversation.

Pat says, "Listen, all I'm saying is you can't expect her to open up to you, when you're holding secrets too. So before you do.. You know, just open up a little; let your walls fall."