Just Knowing You

Chapter 24: Genevieve

My obsession with sweets hasn't left me as I've grown, and I'm not sure if I'm happy or sad about it. I always thought you just kinda lose your sweet tooth as you grow, but, no such luck. I still have an obsession with Skittles and chocolate.

Anyways, it's a big day tomorrow. I see Amy, and normally I'm excited but I feel so drained right now I don't even know how I'm going to get through tomorrows session.

As I finish off my Skittles and my movie I close my laptop and make sure I set my alarms for an hour and a half before I have to get to to the appointment.

When I'm laying in bed it seems like time slows and I'm trying to shut off my mind to actually get a reset and some semblance of rest before my appointment but it doesn't come until at least 1 hour later and I drift off into a dreamless sleep.

***

"Your struggles with self-worth and acceptance have gotten worse, that's clear, but we need to find where this has all come from," I stare at Amy with wide eyes that currently reside on a tear-streaked face after barely 10 minutes of being in her office.

"Well, I've been having trouble with this friend lately..."

I take a breath to silence the hiccups currently holding me back from telling Amy the whole story. "His name is Otis. He's kind of a 'popular guy' and he started talking to me on the first day of school and we had a really good friendship... up until a week or two ago..."

"So, what do you think sparked this tension between you two?"

"I got in my head and told myself that I wasn't good enough for him, it was all because of me, like I'm annoying so he... I dunno, got tired of me... or something."

"Well I don't think that's true, but let's think for a minute... why do you think he thinks of you like that?"

"...Because... I believe I am annoying, and ugly, and I'm not confident enough in myself to realize..." I pause finding some truth to my words. "To realize that I'm not the reason that bad things happen, I can only do so much for him and the world... and not everything is about me."

"I believe that too. You don't dictate other people's action's, only you control your actions. Nobody else's."

"Yeah..."

"And what Otis does or doesn't do shouldn't dictate how you feel about yourself. That's on you. Now, how do you think we should go forward with these issues?"

"I think maybe... I'll write more in my journal I think, just to get the thoughts somewhere besides keeping them all up here," I gesture with my hands around my head, "and maybe keep my distance from Otis for now."

"I think that's a good idea Genevieve."

"This whole ordeal has kinda been tough on me with everything in general and I feel like I should probably let you know because I don't know how to heal myself from all this..."

"In my experience, the best remedy is time, but what specifically are you talking about?"

"My eating disorder has been on my mind more than I'd like it to be, and I dunno, my anxiety has been flaring up more than normal."

"That's totally normal, in the situations you're experiencing, with your history of mental health struggles, it's common for the surfacing of old habits. The best advice I can give you is to keep your mind focused on your dailies. Whether that be the schedule you have, your other friends, or hobbies...

"Now I'm not saying to distract yourself because that doesn't do what everyone thinks it does, but what it helps with is to make sure your mind doesn't obsess over the thoughts you're having. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah I think so... so does that mean I should try to process the emotions with the strategies I do for panic attacks? Would that work in this sense?"

"Yes I think those deep breaths, and other techniques would definitely help you process these emotions and recurrences in a familiar way you that can deal with... just... don't be afraid to reach out either Genevieve. I know last year was your all time low, and that wasn't too long ago... just be careful and don't lose yourself. When you feel yourself falling and you know you can't save yourself, talk to someone. Reaching out doesn't make you weak."

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Both my babies are really hurtin right now...

If you ever feel how G is feeling def reach out to someone you trust. It doesn't make you weak, and it does more good than bad.

If you don't have anyone you feel you can reach out to, dm me. You are not a burden to your loved ones, and if you just really can't bring yourself to contact them then contact me... I truly would love to talk to you!

This is really ripping my insides out but I love writing it sm!!!

I hope you liked the new chapter and don't be a silent reader!!!! :)))

Who's your celebrity crush atm?