Nerd

XIV

This is it. There is no way that I could deflect this. For all, I knew she was probably already on the phone telling the family. I have no idea what's going to happen once I take Amanda home, how can I return home. I have no idea what my mum is going to do, her actions spoke louder than the words she didn't say.

I shut my eyes and breathed in a steady breath, Amanda's hand resting on my thigh when her thumb rubbed soothing circles as I drove through the night. What a great first impression of my mother, at least I warned DeCeno that my mother wasn't a very warm and inviting woman.

"Everything's going to be okay," she spoke softly, the dashboard lights illuminating her face to see that she wore a solemn expression.

I didn't say anything back, trying to keep my thoughts at bay while my hands gripped the steering wheel until my knuckles turned white. I have no idea how I'm supposed to feel. I didn't even know what Amanda was thinking.

"I don't think this is going to end well." My heart hurting at how true I was being. I knew my mother, she isn't going to let this pass easily, thinking about what she is going to do to make this harder than it has to be. She was a vindictive woman and while I live under her roof, it's going to be her rules.

For most of the drive, there was just a sombre silence. No music. No small talk. No laughter. Just the hum of the engine while we rolled down the roads.

When we finally came to a stop outside of her house, the anxiety that I was feeling had now evolved into dread. The pit of my stomach starting to feel nauseous. Part of me wanted to beg for her to stay or let me, even camping in the car felt rational.

"Please text me later, you can always come here." She spoke with her hand on the door handle when all I could find myself to do was smile and give a small nod.

She sat there for a few seconds longer, her dark eyes looking me over before she leaned in and kissed my cheek, hearing her mumble quietly that she loved me before climbing out of the car. I watched her walk up the driveway when she gave me a small wave goodbye as I gave her a small smile.

Now I was left for the darkness to succumb me.

The drive home I took as many back roads as I could find, trying to buy myself some time to at least think of an argument so I wouldn't be left dumbfounded.

I guess tonight is the night I finally get shoved out of the closet. I hope I don't trip up on my way out.

I slowly got out of the car, my eyes staring up at the house while I tried to swallow down the fear.

"Got to do this sooner or later," I whispered to myself. The pep talks not helping.

Reluctantly I started to walk up the driveway, my heart beating in my throat. I stood staring at the front door, too scared to move any further just because I knew what was coming my way. I gave myself another pep talk inside my head, telling myself I've got this, I've gone through worse.

I finally walked through the front door as I kicked off my shoes, my mother walking down the hallway from out the kitchen. I was ready to take whatever it was that she was going to hurl my way.

"I want your phone and car keys." Her voice was flat as she held her hand out. She can't take something away from me that I pay for.

"No, I pay for them," I replied as I looked down at her in disbelief.

"I will not ask again. Give me your phone and car keys." Her voice cold with her lips pressed together into a thin line, her face set like stone.

"You are not taking something from me that I pay for," trying to reason with her as my anger started to grow.